Last Thoughts

Before I start, I must point something out.

Our dear Mayo posted a blog called "The smoking gun" on Dececember 28th. The first word in the blog is "Reflection."

I wrote a blog one day before this on December 27th. The title? "Reflection." I even talked about my friend in that blog.

This is either a bizarre coincidence, or else someone just 'fessed up and blew his cover. The smoking gun indeed.

Anyway, on to the rest of my blog.

This is my last day of vacation, and I'm really sad to see it go. It was so nice to be at home relaxing, reconnecting with friends, and doing what I want with my time instead of always being on somebody else's schedule.

Tomorrow I will go back to the job I hate, working with people who are incompetent, cleaning up everyone else's mess because apparently nobody else knows how to organize themselves or get any real work done.

[sigh]

It's depressing.

I want out. I want to move out of this crappy little town and do something different with my life. I'm tired of feeling trapped. I want to be free.

So perhaps my new year's resolution should be to figure out what I really want to do with my life and actually do it. Like actually plan it out and make it happen.

I have a friend who did exactly what I'm talking about last year. Except she has a husband (also my friend) who is business-minded and makes a lot of money. He helped her plan out what she wanted to do, and he supported her when she quit her office job so she could explore her options.

Sometimes I wish I had someone who would support me like that. But I don't have rich parents or a hard working husband. It's just me, and I have to make it on my own. I can never just quit my job because I have to support myself. I have bills to pay.

I've never wanted a man to pay my way, and I still don't. I believe in earning my own money and paying my own way. But I do wish I had the support of a partner. Hmm... maybe my second new year's resolution should be to start dating again and find a worthy partner in crime.

These resolutions are already shaping up to be pretty tall. I hope I'm not reaching for the unattainable.

Am I biting off more than I can chew?

Sometimes everything feels so overwhelming. I get so tired and frustrated from trying to deal with the immensity of it all. I just want to wave a magic wand and make it all better. For me, for my friends, and especially for my family. It seems unfair that we should all struggle and never truly be happy.

Maybe I should try to be more buddhist and accept the fact that all life is suffering and nothing is permanent. The only constant is change. That means this struggle will soon pass, right?

Or... maybe I should scrap my new year's resolutions and just focus on winning the lottery. Haha! :-D

I wish I didn't have to go back to work tomorrow. Let it be known to all who read this, that these were the last thoughts of a free woman before she entered back into the servitude of "real life". Whatever that means.

....
Peter Gibbons: The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
Bob Porter: Don't... don't care?
Peter Gibbons: It's a problem of motivation, all right? Now if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units, I don't see another dime; so where's the motivation? And here's something else, Bob: I have eight different bosses right now.
Bob Slydell: I beg your pardon?
Peter Gibbons: Eight bosses.
Bob Slydell: Eight?
Peter Gibbons: Eight, Bob. So that means that when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. That's my only real motivation is not to be hassled; that, and the fear of losing my job. But you know, Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired.

When Worlds Collide

This seems to be the theme of my last week. There must be a great conjunction happening right now. I'd better go check my pocket astrologer and see what's going on, because something is either very wrong, or... very right?

Two of my friends have discovered my blog. Well... let's be honest... it's my own fault that they're here. I told him about Mayonaise, he told her. He started a blog, I commented on it, so logically, he was going to find my blog. He told us both about each other's blogs. So there's no way we weren't all going to start talking to each other here, right? It had to happen.

At first I was a little apprehensive about them being here. I have intentionally kept my blog separate from myspace. I never wanted to cross the streams. This is where I come to be anonymous and dump out everything I've been thinking, without anyone I know in real life reading and judging. If my other friends knew about this place, it would no longer be safe for me to use it as an outlet without censoring myself. I came here so I wouldn't have to censor myself.

But now that they're here, I'm actually pretty excited. And I'm pretty sure I can trust them to keep it a secret, right guys? I love both of my friends, and it's been really fun talking to them here. You guys are welcome here any time. (The other little boy will be welcome here when I decide it's the right time to invite him.)

I just hope we can keep the peace between my friends who are new to this site, and those old veterans who have been here since the beginning. I have come to value and respect the opinions of the people I have met here, and of course I also value and respect the opinions of my two friends. I don't want to be caught in the middle of arguments between the two factions.

So please people. Keep it clean, ok? Don't try to make me choose sides, you know I won't do it. I never have before, and I'm not going to start now. That's not how I roll.

With that being said...

Party on, Wayne.

Party on, Garth.

And a Happy New Year to all!