Baby

The boy's sister had her baby on Sunday, delivered by c-section, 10 weeks premature. At birth she weighed just 1 lb 9 oz! She is absolutely the tiniest baby I've ever seen!





Even though she is small, she is very healthy. The boy put his finger in her hand and she grabbed on tight. She has a good grip for such a tiny girl! She is breathing on her own, but they're giving her oxygen as a precaution. She needs to be kept warm because she has no baby fat for insulation. Besides that, she just needs to grow! I think they said they're keeping her in the hospital for the next 7 weeks.

So far, so good. And so cute!!!

Vent

I'm pissed off right now and I can't relax, so here's my attempt to let it all out so I can regain my focus and get back to work.

I guess it's not even that I'm pissed. I've had a couple milestone events in the last few days (both very good), and I've also had a health issue that's causing me some anxiety. So the thing that made me pissed off was really just the topper on an existing string of ups and downs.

If that makes any sense.

First, the good.

The boy officially moved in over the weekend. (Yay!!!) He brought all his stuff over, we rearranged some furniture, did quite a lot of cleaning, and otherwise got our place situated. Exciting stuff, but also stressful, just because moving always sucks in and of itself, even when the end result is positive.

About a week and a half ago, I ordered a ring for the boy. Being the internet junkie that I am, I ordered online rather than going brick & mortar shopping. Today at lunchtime, I gave it to him. He likes it. :) It's titanium with ridged edges in a shiny polished finish, and a brushed finish in the middle. I've gotta say, it's weird seeing my man with a ring on his finger, but it does somehow make it feel more official -- we are engaged.

Now, the uncertain.

(This might be TMI, so if that makes you uncomfortable, kindly skip to the next section.)

For the past few weeks or couple of months (I don't remember exactly when it started), I've noticed an increased bloating in my belly, my breasts have been tender and swollen (like actually bigger!), and I've been very fatigued. At first I thought it was because I'd had a bladder infection. But the bladder infection cleared up for several weeks, and then I got another one. No change to the bloating in between. So I thought maybe it was PMS related water retention. I don't really get PMS symptoms, but I am over 30 now, maybe my body is changing? Birth control pills? But most changes from BCP happen during the first 3 months and I've been on them since July '08. Then I started to freak out because my mom had uterine cancer a few years back, and it started with a tumor that made her belly look bloated. But I'm still awfully young for cancer, right? So, what's left? Am I... pregnant??? But I didn't miss my last period, so?

To top it off, I weighed today at my workout class, and I asked to look at my weight from the last few classes. In early January, I weighed 118. Last week I was over 121. Today I was over 124.

Now, I realize for most people, this small amount of weight gain is entirely normal and not cause for concern. But I'm one of those people everyone hates who never gains weight. (People say I'm lucky, but it comes with digestive problems and decreased energy level. The grass is not always greener.)

I was the exact same weight for about 10 years until I started working out in an attempt to gain muscle weight. Even when I'm purposely eating more protein and fat, it's still very difficult for me to gain any weight at all. I worked for 6 months just to put on an extra 3-5 lbs. I've never weighed more than 118 in my entire life. And now all of a sudden, I gain 3 lbs in a week, and 6 lbs since January? Without even trying?

Seriously... all of my jeans are starting to be uncomfortably tight because I've got this bulging belly. I have to undo the top button sometimes. And today when I jumped rope during my workout, my breasts hurt from the bouncing and jarring. That has never, ever happened before, because my breasts are not big enough to bounce! At least not until now. So strange to see this much change in such a short time.

But again, I'm over 30 now, maybe my metabolism has finally started slowing down. But would it happen this fast? And why do I just have a bigger belly and bigger breasts? Shouldn't I be bigger all over? Or is that just where new weight shows up on women? Is there a distinction between "bloating" and "fat"? Like am I gaining actual body fat in my belly area, or is my belly being pushed out by bloating from within?

I feel like I'm being paranoid. And the boy is really worried, which doesn't help, although I dearly appreciate his care and concern. He wants me to go to the doctor right away. I've decided to wait until after my next period (assuming that I will in fact have one). That would provide enough time to eliminate some possible causes -- the bladder infection, because it will be gone by then, PMS, because I'll be through with that part of my cycle, pregnancy, because... well... duh! Although if I'm still bloated after my period, and especially if it gets worse, I might take a home pregnancy test anyway. And I will definitely go to the doctor and get checked out.

Besides health concerns, there's also uncertainty at work. I still don't know what's going to happen there, and that's another source of stress. No official news since my meeting with "The Bobs", but I've heard some interesting rumors that have got me thinking and analyzing probably more than is healthy.

Finally, the bad.

When I went home at lunch today, the boy informed me that the apartment manager had paid him a visit and said the upstairs neighbor complained about noise over the weekend. Apparently our music was too loud during the day. And the manager assumed, because the boy just moved in and there had been no complaints previously, that it must be his fault.

Loud music, in the middle of the day, on a weekend. Are you serious?

We moved the boy in this weekend. So we did indeed have the music up fairly loud because we were cleaning, moving, rearranging, etc. You gotta do something to make those tasks more fun, right?

In no way was this the boy's fault. And in no way will it ever be a problem again. It was an event-driven incident.

More importantly, the upstairs neighbor is by far the loudest neighbor I've ever had. When I'm lying in bed at night trying to sleep, I can hear her dishwasher, her washing machine, her garbage disposal, and her vacuum... nearly every single weeknight, at like 10:30, 11:00, 12:00am, even 1:00am! Did I mention that she walks like an elephant???

*POUND, POUND, POUND*

Right over my head, at all hours of the night.

Grrr....

So I'm pissed off because this woman, who is absolutely the noisiest person ever, complained about a little music in the middle of the day. She didn't come down and ask us to be more quiet, she went straight to the apartment manager. And the manager automatically assumed it was the boy's fault. Now the boy feels terrible because he just finished moving in yesterday, and already the apartment manager is breathing down his neck.

I'll say one thing for sure... now that the upstairs neighbor has complained about noise, I will not hesitate to report every midnight vacuuming, every 1:00am garbage disposal run, and anything else that keeps me awake at night. It's on now!

I guess that's about it.

I do feel better now that I got everything out. Did I mention a string of ups and downs?

Yeah...

Meeting With The Bobs

I should be working, but I just had a meeting with an efficiency expert who is doing an assessment of my department, and I'm still feeling distracted from that. Plus, I've only got 30 minutes before my workout, and that's not really enough to delve into my project anyway.

The efficiency expert... he's like one of the Bob's from Office Space. I seriously considered showing up in flip-flops. He was hired because my department has some problems, and the company leadership has so far failed to fix them over the course of the last 2 years. They decided to bring someone in from the outside to give us a fresh perspective on things.

He interviewed us all individually and confidentially, although we all share tidbits with each other about each of our conversations with him. I was last. He asked me about my department, the people, the processes, the management. He said my coworkers all spoke highly of me, that my skill set is well respected, and therefore my opinion was especially valuable to him. He talked of hiring a new manager, and asked me if I would consider applying for the job. He said there would be big changes over the course of the next several weeks.

I want to trust in this guy, I really do. I want so badly for my department to get its shit together so we can collectively kick ass at our jobs and really make a difference for this company. I want us to help people. I want us to help each other.

But we've seen so many disappointments during the last couple years, so many poor decisions, so many promises of change with no follow through. Many people have thrown their hands up in the air, exasperated, because our issues run deep and we can't agree on the best way to improve.

I'll admit, it would give me a sweet sense of satisfaction if I became this department's manager, and I got to tell everyone here to shape up or get out. But am I prepared to manage a group of such strong personalities when I'm all too aware of the history of conflict here? Would they listen to me anyway?

I guess it's nice to know that my coworkers think highly of me, although I already sort of knew that. Three out of the four guys I work with regularly tell me I'm doing great, and I appreciate their feedback.

My problem is that my manager doesn't see it the same way. If the efficiency guy tells my manager that I would make a good departmental leader, I'm pretty sure my manager will disagree. Good grief... just like Peter Gibbons in Office Space. I'll get promoted with as many as 4 people working right underneath me, much to the chagrin of my immediate supervisor who thinks I'm unfit for my current position, let alone any position higher up the food chain.

Ironic, isn't it?

Anyway, it will be very interesting to see how things pan out over the next few weeks. My annual review is next month too -- I wonder if any of these changes will have an effect on that?

I really do hope for positive change. I would love to be excited to come to work every day, like I used to be when I started this job, before everything went to shit. Is it possible to have that back again? I sure hope so.

Vacation Report

My first couple days of vacation were spent being lazy. I slept in, went out to eat, went to a couple movies. (The new Underworld was awesome, and Gran Torino was a much better movie than I anticipated.)

On Wednesday, the boy and I loaded all our shit into the car and headed for Whidbey Island. It's about a 5 hour drive from Salem and it's always murder on my back, but it's much more enjoyable when I have company.

My mom made us chicken fettuccine for dinner, which was super tasty, and after that, we sat around a lot. I get bored fast at my mom's house. I started to hope our whole stay wouldn't be that boring. Thankfully, it wasn't.

On Thursday, my mom drove us up the island, into La Conner for lunch. I love driving up the island, it's so beautiful. We went to the Calico Cupboard -- it's one of my mom's favorite places to eat. About 20 minutes from La Conner I realized I'd forgotten my wallet at home, and I had been planning to buy lunch for everyone. Shit! Then the boy informed me that at no point would I have been allowed to buy lunch because he was already planning to. [Andrea blushes] He's cute. :)

After lunch we drove into Anacortes, up to Cap Sante Park, around through Washington Park, back down the island to Fort Casey where we took some lovely photos at sunset, and finally back home to the south end of the island.


View of Padilla Bay from Cap Sante, Anacortes, WA


The boy and I at Cap Sante


View of Anacortes Marina from Cap Sante


Olympic Mountains and Strait of Juan de Fuca, from a beach near Fort Casey, outside of Coupeville, WA


The boy and I on the beach at sunset


On Friday the boy and I had a great day hanging out together. We got off to a late start, went to lunch in Langley, shopped around at some of the touristy little stores, went into Freeland to my favorite metaphysical shop, then went to Double Bluff to hang out on the beach. Sunset was amazing, and we got some more great photos.


View of Useless Bay, taken from Double Bluff, Whidbey Island, WA


The boy walking towards the bluff - I call this his "bigfoot picture", lol


The boy and I


The boy and I - I really love him


Sunset at Double Bluff, with Olympic Mountains barely visible among the clouds


My mom met us at the local mexican restaurant for dinner, where we told her about our plans to get married when the boy returns from Iraq! She seemed pretty happy about that -- she's already been bugging me for grandchildren for about the last 5 years.

After dinner, we went to a movie at the tiny local theater, which I hadn't been to in at least 10 years. We saw Yes Man. It was pretty funny, but predictable. I think the boy liked it better than I did.

On Saturday we drove back to Salem, stopping at Dick's on our way through Seattle. People, if you're ever in Seattle, you must find time to visit Dick's. It's absolutely my favorite fast food -- tasty cheeseburgers, fresh cut fries, and really good shakes. There are 5 of them in the Seattle area (and 1 in Spokane, but that one doesn't really count!).

We had plans to go skiing at some point during my vacation, but we failed repeatedly. Every day that we planned for it, we'd wake up, look at the clock, look at each other, and roll over and go back to sleep.

We saw the movie Taken, which was alright. I really like Liam Neeson, and he was good in this film, but it was hard for me to feel sorry for the spoiled rich girl and her bitchy mother.

On Tuesday, we did a little shopping. I finally (after 3 years) got a new phone, and I finally bought a new mattress set for the bedroom. We're soooooo much more comfortable at night now. I'm very happy with my purchase! :)

Yesterday we ran some errands, went out to breakfast, and then saw the movie Push, which I really didn't like at all. The acting was good, the effects were decent, and I really liked the concept, but the story just dragged and dragged. Right after the movie, the boy had to go to drill. This is his one-weekend-a-month for the guard.

Other developments...

The boy's sister is pregnant, and she's been in the hospital with severe preeclampsia. This all happened before my vacation started, but it's been ongoing for a few weeks now. She was only 25 weeks pregnant when she went in, and her doctors have decided to keep her on bed rest in the hospital until the baby is born. They're hoping to make it to 30 weeks, but they will induce sooner if her blood pressure or protein levels get too high. The hospital is nearly an hour away, and we've been back and forth a lot visiting, delivering fresh clothes, shuttling her boyfriend, etc.

While I was at my mom's, I found out that my friend and coworker, who had been battling cancer for several years, passed away. I was heartbroken. She always had the most amazingly positive and vibrant attitude about life, despite all the pain and hardship she was dealing with. She was instrumental in getting the boy and I together on the night we met. I wouldn't have gone out in the first place if she hadn't twisted my arm, and once I was out, she encouraged me to hang out with the boy even when I thought I was crazy for picking up some strange guy in a bar. Her courage and laughter will be deeply missed.

The boy and I had been talking about moving in together when he gets back from Iraq, probably picking out a new place together. But the boy's current roommate started looking for a new roommate to replace the boy, and he's already found someone who wants to move in on March 1st. So the boy is going to move in with me before he leaves for Iraq, and I think we're going to stay in my apartment rather than looking for a new place. He's basically already living here even though he hasn't moved all of his stuff yet. I absolutely love having him here. It's so awesome having him come home here. It makes me so happy. :)

I guess that's about it. This has been a really great couple of weeks, even though there have been some ups and downs. I've got one more day of vacation left, and then I go back to work on Monday.