The Flight

Out of the blue, there was a knock on my door.

When I answered it, there was a man I didn't recognize standing on my doorstep.

"Are you Andrea?" he asked.

"Yes...?"

The man moved aside and you stepped out from around the corner. You were standing in the shadows, head down, lifting just your eyes to look at me. I dashed out from the doorway and wrapped my arms around you.

"I can't believe you're here."

"I want to show you something," you said.

Without warning, the ground disappeared from underneath my feet, and I was floating up and up, the wind whipping at my hair. I let out a startled gasp as I clenched you more tightly and buried my face in your shoulder.

"It's okay," you said in a calm tone. "You won't fall."

As we continued to move swiftly through the air, I peaked out from the protection of your shoulder and stared into the deep night sky, marveling at the stars gleaming brightly. For a moment, I forgot my fear.

"How... how are you doing this?"

You whispered gently into my ear, "you can do it too."

"No," I said in disbelief. "I can't do this... How?"

"Let go of me," you said.

Fear suddenly renewed, I tightened my grip around you and buried my face again.

"Do it," you said.

I chanced a look into your eyes.

"I... I can't," I said, trembling.

"Trust me," you said evenly. "You won't fall."

There was care and confidence in your face. You were sure of yourself, and more importantly you were sure of me. Slowly and awkwardly, like a child stepping one toe at a time into a swimming pool, I loosened my grip around you, letting one arm relax, then the other, until my body fell away from yours. To my astonishment, I was floating too!

"Oh my god." I looked all around me - at you, at my feet, at my hands, back at you, up, down, all around me again. "But I'm not doing this. How is this happening?"

"I'm doing it. I can teach you to do it too, if you'll trust me."

I looked in your eyes again, searching for reassurance. "Okay," I said, still feeling a bit uneasy.

"Move yourself up."

"How?"

"Don't think about how. Just do it."

I frowned for a moment, but then - just like that - I floated upward.

You looked at me with a little smirk of arrogance, as if to say, see? I told you so!

"I'm going to move now. I want you do follow me."

You drifted a few feet away from me and then stopped. I approached you.

You drifted even faster and farther. Again, I moved toward you.

You looked at me with confident approval. "Let's go," you commanded.

"Go where?"

It was already too late, you were on your way and I had little choice but to follow. Together we flew over trees and hills through the darkness of night, your eyes always looking straight ahead, mine wandering in amazement between you and the twinkling stars. The question of our destination quickly faded. This was fun, and I loved you for showing it to me. I could do this all night.

But as suddenly as it began, it was now coming to an end. We began to descend, and I recognized the familiar site of my home growing larger beneath my feet. You faced me and put your warm hands on my arms as if to guide me. My toes once again touched the ground.

"I have to go," you said, your hands still grasping my arms.

"But you just got here!" I protested.

"I have shown you what you needed to see. Do you realize now what you are capable of?"

My lips trembled, my cheeks burned, and I felt tears well up in my eyes. Your expression softened.

"I'll be back someday."

"When?"

"When you're not expecting it."

With a long gaze, you warmly squeezed my arms in a half hug. Then you quickly walked away, fading into the dark. I knew I could not follow you. I slumped against the door frame and cried.

Open Letter

I read through some old email messages from you today. I got depressed and came close to tears before I finally had to stop reading. Things have changed so much since last fall. You've changed.

I don't know where you are or what you're doing. I guess that's nothing new - you've perfected the disappearing act.

"Dear friend" you once called me. Was it true? Is it true now?

I never know where I stand. What am I to you? If I'm such a dear friend, then why is it so hard to communicate, to be honest?

I value honesty above all things. You value avoidance and theatrics. Clearly, we don't see eye to eye in this regard.

You once sought me out for conversation, advice, comfort, a brief escape from your boredom and loneliness. I was always there. I wanted to be - I liked you. You were funny, kind, and open, even though I could see you were protecting yourself. There was something endearing about you that made me want to keep hanging on, even when you were a complete asshole... even when you lied to me.

Did you think I wouldn't notice? You are so transparent sometimes.

But despite the fact that I can see through your misrepresentations, I still allow you to lead me astray. So many empty promises you've made. I get foolishly excited about each one, and then feel hurt and let down when it doesn't materialize. I suppose it's my own fault for being naive and having too much trust, expecting too much.

I try hard not to expect anything from you, because I honestly don't think you owe me anything. But it's the way you set me up. You give little hints and suggestions that something more might be coming. You used to say that you might text me or call me up one day, out of the blue, and that I should be ready for you. It never happened.

She said you'd been trying to call me, but my phone never rang. You asked for my address - I'm not sure why I gave it to you. Nothing ever came, and I'm pretty sure you're not going to show up here. Not that I want you to.

When opportunity presents itself, you always dodge out. But you can never just talk to me about it and let me know, so I'm always left wondering. I never know what happened or why, until long after the fact, if at all. It's happened three different times now.

What happened this time?

I guess it doesn't matter. It's been so long since we had a real conversation, I don't even know what we'd talk about now. I have no idea what's been going on in your life for the last 3 months, and you don't know anything about me anymore.

I'm tired of all this. Exhausted. Exasperated, even. I can't keep wondering and worrying, waiting endlessly. You have no idea what this does to me. It's painful.

Look me up some day when you're not too busy to keep in touch, and when you care enough not to leave me hanging on empty words and meaningless mystery.

Until then... I'm done.


I wonder what it's like
seeing through your eyes
You've offered me to have a try
but I was always late
The filters that I use
give me an excuse
I take away what's real
I feel it and it blows my fuse
I hang around
for another round
I'm hanging around
for another round
I'm hanging on
to the same old song
I hang around
for another round
Until something stops me


You had to know it was coming.