Vent

I'm pissed off right now and I can't relax, so here's my attempt to let it all out so I can regain my focus and get back to work.

I guess it's not even that I'm pissed. I've had a couple milestone events in the last few days (both very good), and I've also had a health issue that's causing me some anxiety. So the thing that made me pissed off was really just the topper on an existing string of ups and downs.

If that makes any sense.

First, the good.

The boy officially moved in over the weekend. (Yay!!!) He brought all his stuff over, we rearranged some furniture, did quite a lot of cleaning, and otherwise got our place situated. Exciting stuff, but also stressful, just because moving always sucks in and of itself, even when the end result is positive.

About a week and a half ago, I ordered a ring for the boy. Being the internet junkie that I am, I ordered online rather than going brick & mortar shopping. Today at lunchtime, I gave it to him. He likes it. :) It's titanium with ridged edges in a shiny polished finish, and a brushed finish in the middle. I've gotta say, it's weird seeing my man with a ring on his finger, but it does somehow make it feel more official -- we are engaged.

Now, the uncertain.

(This might be TMI, so if that makes you uncomfortable, kindly skip to the next section.)

For the past few weeks or couple of months (I don't remember exactly when it started), I've noticed an increased bloating in my belly, my breasts have been tender and swollen (like actually bigger!), and I've been very fatigued. At first I thought it was because I'd had a bladder infection. But the bladder infection cleared up for several weeks, and then I got another one. No change to the bloating in between. So I thought maybe it was PMS related water retention. I don't really get PMS symptoms, but I am over 30 now, maybe my body is changing? Birth control pills? But most changes from BCP happen during the first 3 months and I've been on them since July '08. Then I started to freak out because my mom had uterine cancer a few years back, and it started with a tumor that made her belly look bloated. But I'm still awfully young for cancer, right? So, what's left? Am I... pregnant??? But I didn't miss my last period, so?

To top it off, I weighed today at my workout class, and I asked to look at my weight from the last few classes. In early January, I weighed 118. Last week I was over 121. Today I was over 124.

Now, I realize for most people, this small amount of weight gain is entirely normal and not cause for concern. But I'm one of those people everyone hates who never gains weight. (People say I'm lucky, but it comes with digestive problems and decreased energy level. The grass is not always greener.)

I was the exact same weight for about 10 years until I started working out in an attempt to gain muscle weight. Even when I'm purposely eating more protein and fat, it's still very difficult for me to gain any weight at all. I worked for 6 months just to put on an extra 3-5 lbs. I've never weighed more than 118 in my entire life. And now all of a sudden, I gain 3 lbs in a week, and 6 lbs since January? Without even trying?

Seriously... all of my jeans are starting to be uncomfortably tight because I've got this bulging belly. I have to undo the top button sometimes. And today when I jumped rope during my workout, my breasts hurt from the bouncing and jarring. That has never, ever happened before, because my breasts are not big enough to bounce! At least not until now. So strange to see this much change in such a short time.

But again, I'm over 30 now, maybe my metabolism has finally started slowing down. But would it happen this fast? And why do I just have a bigger belly and bigger breasts? Shouldn't I be bigger all over? Or is that just where new weight shows up on women? Is there a distinction between "bloating" and "fat"? Like am I gaining actual body fat in my belly area, or is my belly being pushed out by bloating from within?

I feel like I'm being paranoid. And the boy is really worried, which doesn't help, although I dearly appreciate his care and concern. He wants me to go to the doctor right away. I've decided to wait until after my next period (assuming that I will in fact have one). That would provide enough time to eliminate some possible causes -- the bladder infection, because it will be gone by then, PMS, because I'll be through with that part of my cycle, pregnancy, because... well... duh! Although if I'm still bloated after my period, and especially if it gets worse, I might take a home pregnancy test anyway. And I will definitely go to the doctor and get checked out.

Besides health concerns, there's also uncertainty at work. I still don't know what's going to happen there, and that's another source of stress. No official news since my meeting with "The Bobs", but I've heard some interesting rumors that have got me thinking and analyzing probably more than is healthy.

Finally, the bad.

When I went home at lunch today, the boy informed me that the apartment manager had paid him a visit and said the upstairs neighbor complained about noise over the weekend. Apparently our music was too loud during the day. And the manager assumed, because the boy just moved in and there had been no complaints previously, that it must be his fault.

Loud music, in the middle of the day, on a weekend. Are you serious?

We moved the boy in this weekend. So we did indeed have the music up fairly loud because we were cleaning, moving, rearranging, etc. You gotta do something to make those tasks more fun, right?

In no way was this the boy's fault. And in no way will it ever be a problem again. It was an event-driven incident.

More importantly, the upstairs neighbor is by far the loudest neighbor I've ever had. When I'm lying in bed at night trying to sleep, I can hear her dishwasher, her washing machine, her garbage disposal, and her vacuum... nearly every single weeknight, at like 10:30, 11:00, 12:00am, even 1:00am! Did I mention that she walks like an elephant???

*POUND, POUND, POUND*

Right over my head, at all hours of the night.

Grrr....

So I'm pissed off because this woman, who is absolutely the noisiest person ever, complained about a little music in the middle of the day. She didn't come down and ask us to be more quiet, she went straight to the apartment manager. And the manager automatically assumed it was the boy's fault. Now the boy feels terrible because he just finished moving in yesterday, and already the apartment manager is breathing down his neck.

I'll say one thing for sure... now that the upstairs neighbor has complained about noise, I will not hesitate to report every midnight vacuuming, every 1:00am garbage disposal run, and anything else that keeps me awake at night. It's on now!

I guess that's about it.

I do feel better now that I got everything out. Did I mention a string of ups and downs?

Yeah...