The Honest Truth

101 Questions and Answers about me. Special thanks to An Interested Party for posting this on her blog.

1. What is your favorite color? Green, with purple at a close second.
2. You can choose to have one superpower- what would you pick? The ability to absorb every other superpower I come into contact with like Peter Petrelli on Heroes. ;-)
3. What is your favorite book? The Mysteries of Harris Burdick by Chris Van Allsburg.
4. Were you ever arrested? No.
5. Do you have a favorite pet? My cat Nina.
6. What is your favorite condiment? It depends on the food - I don't have one favorite.
7. How tall are you? 5'7"
8. What don't you ever leave home without? A sweater or jacket - I'm always cold!
9. Can you burp the alphabet? No.
10. What loss has been the most devastating? My sense of self.
11. What do you do when you're nervous? I tense up, I break into a cold sweat, and everything out of my mouth sounds like something I would never say. I exaggerate too much.
12. What is your lucky number? 7 and 22.
13. Did you ever shoot a gun? Only a BB gun when I was in high school.
14. Were you born with any birth defects? I have a heart murmur, but that's all that I know of.
15. What sport do you enjoy watching the most? I'm not really into watching sports. I like live events, but I'll never watch any sport on TV.
16. What sport do you enjoy participating in the most? Skiing, softball, and ultimate frisbee.
17. Have you ever contemplated suicide? Yes.
18. What is your favorite flavor of bubble gum? I can't chew gum because of my TMJ, but I used to like strawberry or spearmint.
19. What personality trait is the most important? Magnetism.
20. How many times a week do you pleasure yourself? Maybe once or twice a month, if that.
21. You must give up one of your five senses- which can you live without? Taste.
22. What is your favorite scent? The salty air around the Puget Sound.
23. What is your favorite sound? The wind in the trees, or waves crashing on the beach.
24. What is your favorite thing to look at? The night sky.
25. What is your favorite thing to touch? Wet clay.
26. What is your favorite flavor? Chocolate, or cheese and garlic.
27. Did you ever call a phone sex number? No.
28. Who would you like to say thank you to? My painting teacher from college who passed away last year.
29. What topic is your favorite to talk about? Oh gosh. I like talking about all kinds of things. Social observations, sciency things, music, movies. WoW.
30. Who are your top 3 girl crushes? Amanda Palmer, Michelle Yeoh, Natalie Portman.
31. Who are your top 3 guy crushes? Johnny Depp, Gerard Way, Milo Ventimiglia.
32. What is on your favorite sandwich? Turkey with cheese and bacon.
33. Do you ever read your horoscope? No, I can write my own horoscope. The ones in the newspapers are all B.S. anyway.
34. What is the best thing about your gender? Expanded awareness (as opposed to focuses awareness) and nurturing.
35. What is the best thing about the opposite gender? How they can make me feel small and protected.
36. Did you ever buy something from a TV infomercial? No.
37. What has been your favorite job? This is perhaps the wrong time in my life to be answering this question. I am immensely frustrated with my current job, therefore I can't think of anything positive about any job at the moment. Maybe tomorrow after I've had a good night's sleep.
38. You have to dye your hair a mix of two colors, which do you choose? Black and red.
39. What is your favorite snack food? All of them. ^_^ Chips & salsa, triscuits, cheese, tots, yogurt. I could go on, but I won't.
40. Do you collect anything? CDs and DVDs. I still have a coin collection but haven't added to it in years.
41. A book is being written about you...title suggestion? “Quiet Turmoil”
42. When did you last pray? I don't pray, at least not to a Christian god.
43. How many tattoos do you have? None.
44. Who makes you laugh the most? Tuong.
45. What is your favorite quote? Anything from Zoolander. "I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!"
46. Do you still have your favorite childhood toy? Yes, my baby blanket and my first stuffed animal. I used to take them everywhere.
47. What are you most often complemented on? Looking nice when I dress up (probably because it doesn't happen very often).
48. What CD do you listen to the most? The MCR mix, Muse mix, and Stereolab mix get even rotation.
49. If you got to choose, how would you die? Peacefully in my sleep. I just wouldn't wake up.
50. How many piercings do you have? Two in each ear.
51. Are you left or right handed? Right.
52. What is your favorite beverage? Jasmine tea.
53. Can you change a flat tire? In theory, yes, but in practice...?
54. When do you feel you are most attractive? After I've had a few beers? lol. No, probably when I'm dressed in something that fits my shape and I've actually taken the time to do something with my hair and makeup.
55. What event made the most impact on your life? The whole of college. So many life changing events happened during that time. It shaped who I am today.
56. Which "ex" do you miss the most? Toss up between Casey or Mark, for different reasons.
57. What celebrity would have the coolest nervous breakdown? Who cares.
58. What is your favorite alcoholic beverage? Margaritas!
59. How do you top the perfect sundae? Hot fudge or maybe some fresh raspberries.
60. What TV show do you secretly watch? America's Next Top Model.
61. What is your favorite outfit? Jeans and a t-shirt with comfortable shoes.
62. What is your least favorite household chore? Putting things away. I'm good at dishes, laundry, vacuuming, cleaning the toilet, and all the other normal stuff, but I'm terrible about removing clutter.
63. What is the strangest trick your body can do? My fingers are really flexible, but that's not very interesting. My friends would probably say it's strange that I eat so much junk food but never gain weight.
64. What was the best gift you ever got? My easel.
65. Which of the seven sins do you commit the most? Ah Hell, I'm a fan of all seven. But right now... I'm gonna have to go with wrath. Couldn't resist. :-P
66. What is your favorite charity? Humane Society.
67. Which language do you wish you knew? All of them. Seriously! I love languages.
68. What would you have named yourself? I honestly can't imagine myself with any other name but the one I have. I like my name.
69. What is your best contribution to the world? Honest and compassionate friendship. I like to think my contribution in the lives of individuals makes a difference in the world as a whole.
70. What song are you embarrassed to admit knowing all the words to? "Spice Up Your Life".
71. What song gets stuck in your head most often? It changes. It's usually a newer song (new to me, anyway) that I really like. Sometimes it's a song tied to a particular experience or memory. For example, after I went to Projekt Revolution, I had "No More Sorrow" by Linkin Park stuck in my head for weeks because it was the song they opened with, and it was a powerful moment in the show for me. When that happens, I need to listen to it constantly until it goes away.
72. You can kill one person and get away with it. Who should I warn? My ex-step-father. My family's lives would be so much easier without him.
73. What is your perfect meal? Picadillo enchilada with rice and beans, or pasta with chicken and any kind of cheese or herb cream sauce. Or a bacon cheeseburger. Mmm... tasty food.
74. What one color would you obliterate from the planet? Khaki.
75. Do you have a favorite car? I've always wanted a Mini Cooper.
76. What physical quality of yours do you like the most? I frequently change my mind on this. Sometimes my hair, sometimes my smile, sometimes my cheekbones. Sometimes I just think I'm funky looking and I don't like anything about myself.
77. What is your favorite season? Autumn.
78. What is your worst habit? Handing out unsolicited advice.
79. Do you bite your tongue or tell them like it is? Depends on the person and my level of care and respect for them. If I care and respect someone, I tell it like it is.
80. What is your favorite holiday? Turkey Day!
81. If you could visit a different county, which would it be? Japan, New Zealand, France, Ireland, Scotland.
82. What was your favorite childhood game? I always liked card games.
83. What do people need more of? Compassion.
84. What do people need less of? Self Righteousness.
85. What's the scariest thing in your fridge? Year and a half old Coors Light. Someone brought it to my house for a party and left it here.
86. What is your favorite sexual position? Any position where we can embrace each other.
87. Do you have a hidden talent? If I knew the answer to this, it wouldn't be hidden, would it?
88. What was the worst part of your childhood? When my step-father abused my mom.
89. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? My health and energy level.
90. What do you fear the most? Never feeling like I have a purpose in life.
91. Which would you rather be a contestant on- American Idol, So You Think You Can Dance or America's Next Top Model? America's Next Top Model! ^_^
92. Which would you rather attend- the opera, a poetry recital or a random lecture? The opera.
93. Would you ever bare your soul to a stranger in a letter? In some respects, I already have. So I guess that's a yes.
94. When are you at your happiest? During that time after I've woken up but I haven't gotten out of bed yet. Those few moments of warm comfortable laziness are my favorite.
95. What is your favorite game as an adult? World of Warcraft. I know, I'm a dork.
96. What celebrity would you most like to have dinner with? I don't know. What would I have to say to a celebrity? I'd rather eat dinner with a friend.
97. What time period do you wish you lived in? The future.
98. Which TV personality would you want a one night hook up with? None of them.
99. What friend do you miss the most? Michelle.
100. What one thing will you try not to do again? Become so severely depressed that I want to die.
101. Why did you want to answer these questions? An Interested Party posted them, and I enjoyed reading her answers so much that I decided to post my own.

Goodness, that took a long time!

Come In, Make Yourself At Home

There's been some renewed interested in the identity of a blogger known as Mayonaise. An Interested Party posted some very pertinent questions, and while answering them I started thinking about my own experience with the friend I've mentioned here so many times before.

My friend... where do I even begin?

I "met" him online at the end of May. It was an unexpected connection. I never intended to start an online friendship with someone I'd never met in real life before. It was a first for me.

He had a girlfriend, who he talked about constantly. Eventually I "met" her online too and developed yet another unexpected friendship. I really liked her a lot. They were very much in love with each other, but they had problems, like everyone else, and I often found myself stuck in the middle. I became their go-to person for advice and support. I listened and mediated and tried to help when I could. I learned about their lives, their respective pasts, their interests and their plans for the future. I talked to one or both of them almost every day. During times when I didn't hear from them, I thought about them often and hoped they were doing well.

In September, I flew to meet her in person. I stayed at her family's house, met her sister, had lunch at the restaurant where she worked. We went to Projekt Revolution together. It was a great time, I really had fun! I hoped I might meet him in person during the same trip, but unbeknownst to she or I, he had plans of his own and they didn't include us. In fact, we were outright excluded, in a mean and hurtful way.

After that, they drifted apart from one another. He disappeared for weeks and I missed his usual presence online. She became more scarce too. Eventually he started talking again, and he apologized to me for the way he treated us. I unloaded all of my frustrations on him, and he graciously listened. I thought things would get back to "normal", but he was only around for a couple of weeks before he disappeared again. She and I still text each other once in a while, but much less frequently than we used to. I miss them both.

At least with her, I was actually able to meet and spent time with her. I know what kind of a person she is, and I like her very much. With him... I've only seen him from a distance. I know what he looks like, he knows what I look like, and we've even made eye contact and shared a couple of knowing glances. But that's as close as he's willing to come.

Two very different people, both of whom I met on the internet. What were their intentions? For that matter, what were mine?

The whole situation makes me realize that I can learn all kinds of details about a person's life but still not know that person for who he really is. He can tell me whatever he wants to, but I'll probably never know the difference between the truth, a lie, or an omission. I've never heard his voice speaking to me, so it's very difficult to infer a tone of voice in his writing. Half the time I can't tell when he's being serious or sarcastic.

So... knowing what I know from this experience, and now thinking about Mayonaise and all the people who believe it to be Gerard Way or possibly some other member of MCR..........

There's just no way to be certain who Mayonaise is. Even if he comes right out and says, "yes, this is really Gerard, but please don't tell a bunch of people." Even if you spend months talking to him in email or instant message. Even if you meet and hang out with someone close to him. No matter how many clues he drops, or how much detective work we do, we may never uncover the truth.

The only truth in the internet is that each of us can come here and be whoever we want to be without ever giving up our secrets. You can be as anonymous as you want, or not at all. It's all a choice.

I think it's a little ironic. All this information at my fingertips... I can see realtime video footage of a concert happening half way around the world, but I still don't really know who my friend is!

Welcome to the internet, folks. It's a brave new world.