Come In, Make Yourself At Home

There's been some renewed interested in the identity of a blogger known as Mayonaise. An Interested Party posted some very pertinent questions, and while answering them I started thinking about my own experience with the friend I've mentioned here so many times before.

My friend... where do I even begin?

I "met" him online at the end of May. It was an unexpected connection. I never intended to start an online friendship with someone I'd never met in real life before. It was a first for me.

He had a girlfriend, who he talked about constantly. Eventually I "met" her online too and developed yet another unexpected friendship. I really liked her a lot. They were very much in love with each other, but they had problems, like everyone else, and I often found myself stuck in the middle. I became their go-to person for advice and support. I listened and mediated and tried to help when I could. I learned about their lives, their respective pasts, their interests and their plans for the future. I talked to one or both of them almost every day. During times when I didn't hear from them, I thought about them often and hoped they were doing well.

In September, I flew to meet her in person. I stayed at her family's house, met her sister, had lunch at the restaurant where she worked. We went to Projekt Revolution together. It was a great time, I really had fun! I hoped I might meet him in person during the same trip, but unbeknownst to she or I, he had plans of his own and they didn't include us. In fact, we were outright excluded, in a mean and hurtful way.

After that, they drifted apart from one another. He disappeared for weeks and I missed his usual presence online. She became more scarce too. Eventually he started talking again, and he apologized to me for the way he treated us. I unloaded all of my frustrations on him, and he graciously listened. I thought things would get back to "normal", but he was only around for a couple of weeks before he disappeared again. She and I still text each other once in a while, but much less frequently than we used to. I miss them both.

At least with her, I was actually able to meet and spent time with her. I know what kind of a person she is, and I like her very much. With him... I've only seen him from a distance. I know what he looks like, he knows what I look like, and we've even made eye contact and shared a couple of knowing glances. But that's as close as he's willing to come.

Two very different people, both of whom I met on the internet. What were their intentions? For that matter, what were mine?

The whole situation makes me realize that I can learn all kinds of details about a person's life but still not know that person for who he really is. He can tell me whatever he wants to, but I'll probably never know the difference between the truth, a lie, or an omission. I've never heard his voice speaking to me, so it's very difficult to infer a tone of voice in his writing. Half the time I can't tell when he's being serious or sarcastic.

So... knowing what I know from this experience, and now thinking about Mayonaise and all the people who believe it to be Gerard Way or possibly some other member of MCR..........

There's just no way to be certain who Mayonaise is. Even if he comes right out and says, "yes, this is really Gerard, but please don't tell a bunch of people." Even if you spend months talking to him in email or instant message. Even if you meet and hang out with someone close to him. No matter how many clues he drops, or how much detective work we do, we may never uncover the truth.

The only truth in the internet is that each of us can come here and be whoever we want to be without ever giving up our secrets. You can be as anonymous as you want, or not at all. It's all a choice.

I think it's a little ironic. All this information at my fingertips... I can see realtime video footage of a concert happening half way around the world, but I still don't really know who my friend is!

Welcome to the internet, folks. It's a brave new world.