WTF. Seriously.

Alright, I lied. I said I wasn't going to write about this subject again, but something happened that really pushed my buttons like nothing else. I have lost my fucking cool.

Someone posted the following on Alie's blog:

Anonymous said...

Since you are so depressed, why don't you go kill yourself?

Jump off a building.
Overdose on pills.
Hang yourself.
Crawl into a whole and die.

You are pathetic.

Ok, look people. You don't have to believe a word I say, and you don't have to believe a word Alie says. You don't have to like either one of us. You can think whatever the fuck you want.

But no matter what you think or believe, or how you feel about me or my friends, it is NEVER okay to post something like the above.

Alie wrote a blog about being depressed because she actually is depressed. And you go and kick her while she's down with bullshit like this? This is seriously low.

Clearly, anonymous, you are just here to cause trouble and fuel the chaos. You have never contributed anything intelligent to the conversation. Nothing you have said has been rooted in any sort of fact or hard evidence.

If there's a real issue you want to debate, then more power to you! Bring it up! Let's talk about it!

But for fuck's sake, don't attack someone personally, especially when they've already expressed that they're having a difficult time in life. You don't know Alie. You don't know what kind of person she is or what she's going through right now.

None of you do.

So pull your heads out of your asses and stop making assumptions. I'm fucking tired of the accusations flying around.

As seen at DM (paraphrasing):
She made a grammatical error on one site and made the same grammatical error on another site. That proves it was her!

What?! You guys really trust an anon who would write something horrible like what I posted above? Over someone you've known since the beginning of Mayo's blog?

And WTF is up with all the talking behind the scenes? Am I so unworthy of your respect that you can't ask me to my face if you have questions or concerns? (Don't answer that anon, I already know your answer.)

So far, Kapunua has been the only person who has concerns who has actually addressed them directly with me. I really appreciate that. But to the rest of you who are so full of gossip, you should all be ashamed of yourselves.

You came to Mayo's and you found friends and a family. A family. A place that was different, where you were accepted, and people cared about each other, and where there were no special cliques or groups.

One big happy family.

What happened to that? Now you turn your backs on someone who has been part of the group this whole time? I don't get it. What did I ever do you?

So I posted a link to SS's website way back in the day when I was still new to the site and didn't know who people were yet. Yeah, I know how to use google.

So I've written some blogs about a friend of mine whose name I won't say. It's my fucking blog, I think I have the right to say anything I please. NO, I am NOT a roleplayer.

So I asked a couple of my friends to join me in a place that I cherished. Yeah, they pissed some people off. I apologized on their behalf, they both apologized, and we've tried to get the situation undercontrol.

So what?

Does that justify comments like the one left for Alie by the anonymous poster? Does it justify you all talking behind my back? Does it justify picking apart everything I or they have ever written?

I'll tell you something. My blog? It's just a blog. It's just a place where I write my thoughts. Nothing more.

Mayo's blog? It was a place where I went to see people I liked. The family. People I respected and trusted.

But I'm starting to see very plainly that you neither respect nor trust me. And you especially don't respect or trust my friends.

That's okay, like I said. You don't have to believe anything I say. You don't have to like me. You don't even have to trust me. But I would appreciate a small ounce of your respect. After all this time, I think I've earned it.

If you've got something to say, say it to my face.

And anonymous, I'm serious. I will happily debate the situation with you if you'd like to bring an intelligent discussion to the table. But I will not stand for my friends being treated this way.

As a disclaimer, I do want to acknowledge those few of you who have been kind and supportive through this mess. Your comments and insight have been so valuable and so appreciated. I'll never forget your kindness.



p.s. You're goddamn right I took someone else's words and posted them on a different blog than where they originated. I've been playing by the rules all this time, and this is where it's gotten me. So now I say Fuck It. At least I said who wrote it, where it came from, and I put my own name on it. That's more than I can say for you, coward.

A New Day

Hopefully my post yesterday at Mayo's helped clear things up. I am not part of any conspiracy. I'm still a little mystified as to why people thought I was, but... what am I gonna do? I can't change the way people think.

I need to take some time to decide whether I still want to be a part of the family at Mayo's house. Please understand, the whole reason why I was absent from posting for so long is because I was pretty disgusted with the last big round of drama where everyone came down so hard on BC. There is a strong tendency towards overreaction, especially when someone has a "theory" about how someone else in BlogBelieve might have wronged others.

I understand that miscommunication happens and feelings get hurt. I get that, I really do. But at Mayo's house, people take it way beyond reason. I was already tired of observing the drama, and now I'm even more tired of being in the middle of it. I didn't do anything to put myself in this position. I never wanted this attention. It is not welcome.

A few of you trusted me and stood up for me, and I really, really appreciate that. You have no idea how much that means to me.

A few of you lashed out meanly. You heard someone else's empty accusations and you ran with it. That really hurt me a great deal.

I've never ever been accused of something so ludicrous as altering my blog to make it look like I have some connection to Mayonaise. I can't believe anyone would think that. The anonymous posters, I can almost understand. Some of them are jerks anyway. But the people who've known me for months???

I need to take a step back to reflect on these events. I am known for taking an extra long time to process my thoughts and feelings, and this situation won't be any different.

For the record, I will always write what I feel, no matter what people say about it. You can attempt to use it against me if you like, but there's really no point. I am honest to a fault and I have nothing to hide.

This is the last time I will post about this subject except to answer direct questions. If you have them, feel free to ask. Otherwise, I'm going to leave it alone.

It's a new day, and I'm moving forward.