So Ends Another Chapter

It's done.

I broke up with the pharmacist last night.

I could go on all day about how it makes me feel, but suffice to say that I am angry, sad, hurt, disappointed, and a bit depressed. I really like him a lot. But I knew it wasn't meant to last, so I just need to accept it for what it is and move on.

I told him we can't be friends either. It would be too hard for me to put my feelings aside. I would always get excited when he calls, or feel let down when he doesn't. I can't go through that. He is still coming to my birthday party next week, because I don't feel right taking away his invitation, but after that I won't see him again.

I will be pulling most of my posts about him, just because I don't want to look at them for a while. I'll keep them tucked away as drafts for later review.

So that's that.

On a related note, the boy has informed me that he will be back in exactly 26 days. I'm half excited and half in denial. I don't want a repeat of what just happened.

It's funny, at one point I prayed to the universe: "I want a boy to hold me at night."

And I got the boy, who was way young and was leaving in days.

So I prayed again: "I want a boy who's my age and isn't leaving right away to hold me at night."

And I got the pharmacist, who just simply isn't ready for any kind of commitment whatsoever, even of the most casual variety.

How specific do I have to make it this time? "I want a boy who's my age, who isn't going anywhere, who's ready for commitment, who likes me and has the potential to love me, who I can love in return, who's willing to fight for me, who will hold me at night, every night, for the rest of our lives."

You think that'll do it?



[sigh]

I feel lonely again.

Too Much

Fuck it.

I'm running.

You can find me lurking in the dungeon with the vampires, where I belong.