Gathering Focus

Trouble concentrating today, so I decided to write a bit to collect myself.

This may be one of the last times I get to do this at work... today we're setting up a community workspace in what used to be our meeting area. I will still have my own office, I just won't be in it for a majority of the day. Instead, I'll be sitting at a "pairing station" with another developer. All work will be done in pairs now. Shared workspace, shared responsibility.

I'm not sure how I feel about this change. I can see it being positive in the long run, but it's a huge shift for us culturally, and for me personally. When I work by myself, I like to close the door, turn up the music, and get in the zone while I write code. That won't be an option anymore.

I also won't be able to take phone calls from my husband any time I want to, nor can I get away with installing and using Skype at the office. I probably won't even be logged into instant messenger most of the time.

This is different for me. It will bring new challenges.

Joey is packing up his gear to go to Iraq. He leaves some time this week. I'm not supposed to know exactly what date/time (sensitive information), but I do... although it could still change.

Once Joe gets on the plane, he won't have cell phone service again until he comes home. We should be able to talk over Skype, but we don't know how long it will be before he'll have internet access available, or the free time to use it. It could be days or weeks. So when we say our last phone-goodbyes, we do so without knowing when we'll communicate next. That's scary to me.

I'm pretty freaked out about him going over there. Roadside bombs and suicide attacks are still a frequent reality. And with the U.S. withdrawing troops from population centers, the climate is changing. We've seen significantly less violence during the last year or two, compared to the start of the war, but that could change during the transition to the military hand-off.

My deepest prayer is that this will be the most boring and uneventful year of Joe's life. (Sorry baby, but it's only because I want you to come home safely.) I just imagine him sitting on his ass at a well-protected military base, only going out for missions that are brief and routine. Nothing threatening or out of the ordinary. I have this vision of him being hot and sweaty from the desert weather, counting down the days until this pointless job is over, then finally being released to come home.

I can't wait for that.

But right now, I'm trying (somewhat unsuccessfully) not to focus on it, especially while I'm at work. There's already so much chaos in the office, with the transformation of our workspace and processes. As if I need anything else to make my head spin!

Actually, spending most of my time with a coding partner might help me keep my mind off Joe being in Iraq. One of my problems right now is that my mind wanders away from the task at hand, and I start thinking about non-work related topics. With another person sitting next to me to keep me on task all day, that's less likely to happen. So maybe this shift in my work environment is a blessing in disguise.

I love my husband. July 4th was our 2 month anniversary. I can't wait to celebrate 1 year, 5 years, 25 years... 50 years? Maybe if I live that long. ;-)

Checking In

I've been so busy and so stressed out lately, but luckily I've got a 5-day weekend ahead. :)

Here's the short(ish) run-down:
-- Everything at work has been turned upside down, and I've been very tense because of it. I believe it will work out for the best in the end, but it's going to be an uphill struggle to get there.

-- I built myself a new computer, and I made so many mistakes in the process! It's been so long since I played with hardware, so many things have changed. Windows XP wouldn't install, then it installed but wouldn't accept the product key. Windows 7 had strange issues with performance and compatibility. With all this experimentation, I haven't had a fully working system for about a week now. But I finally got Windows 7 RC running smoothly tonight, and if I'm lucky I might even be able to play WoW tonight!

-- I've been having trouble sleeping, and I finally resorted to taking allergy medication to make me drowsy at night, but it also makes me groggy in the morning. I decided I'd rather be groggy for a couple hours than exhausted all day long. Lesser of two evils!

-- My car had been smelling like burning oil for months, and I finally had it looked at. I had a leaking valve gasket or some such. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law gave me rides to and from the auto mechanic. It's weird having family in town!

-- I finally had an appointment with the counselor - I guess she's technically a military life specialist. She's not like any counselor I've seen before. She doesn't have an office - we met for coffee. She bought me a bagel. She's warm, upbeat, open, and has a quirky, fun sense of humor. I really enjoyed talking with her. We've been keeping in touch via email, and will probably meet again during the next month.

-- Tomorrow I'm driving to my mom's for the holiday. I haven't seen her since my wedding, and I haven't been to visit at her house since the end of January. We're going to a quarterly astrology overview tomorrow night. I can't wait!

-- Last but certainly not least, I miss my husband so, so much. It's been nearly 2 months since he left, and it's been really hard, especially with the frustrations at work. On some days all I want to do is come home to him, have a good conversation, share a meal, and snuggle up for some lovin. But I can't. On the bright side, even from a distance, he's the best partner I could ask for, and I'm so grateful that we got married. He's my very favorite person in this world.

I guess that's about it. It's been a long and frustrating few weeks, but it seems like things are headed in the right direction.