It just occurred to me that I've completely neglected my blog for the last month.
My mental health specialist has me keeping a mood chart and journal, and the writing I do there has ended up taking the place of the writing I do here.
Some updates:
The job search...
I ended up staying at my company in the same position, but with a huge raise - way more than I expected them to offer me. It wasn't just the money that made me stay - I learned some things about the prospective new job that I didn't like very much. I think I would have been leaving one crappy situation for another. No point in that, especially if the current crappy situation can be improved with more money.
Things still aren't great at my job, but we're finally starting to move towards resolving some issues, and that gives me hope. But if things don't improve within a few months, I will very likely start looking for jobs again. For now at least, I'm content to let things flow and see where it all goes.
Joe's leave...
I was expecting to pick Joey up from the airport on 2/16, sometime in the evening. Instead, he surprised me at work right after lunch, in front of my whole department and several onlookers from other departments. I was embarrassed but so so excited and happy. I've been on vacation since then and it's been blissful.
Best vacation ever.
Joey goes back to Iraq next week, and then he should be home from deployment at the end of April. We don't have much longer to go!
Joey has become a World of Warcraft addict. This, after he ridiculed me for months for being a WoW nerd! I think I've created a monster. :)
Future plans...
We've started looking at houses. We didn't plan on doing it, it just happened... we both started browsing listings on the internet, and we got excited enough about a few houses to go drive around and look at them. Most were empty so we were able to look into the windows and walk around the yards. There are two we want to look inside. A friend of mine is a realtor, so we're meeting with him tomorrow to get some information and hopefully tour those two homes.
We are also casually trying to get pregnant. I say casually because it's not like we're "trying" trying. More like we're not using protection, and if it happens we'd both be happy about it, but if it doesn't, we know it will when the time is right.
My mental health...
I'm taking 3 medications now, and despite the fact that I was uneasy about trying them, they have actually helped a lot. I'm not depressed, I don't have anxiety attacks, and I'm sleeping through the night consistently. I feel so much better! On top of that, I seem to be able to deal with loud and distracting group situations better than I did before. I still get exhausted by it and need time to recharge, but I don't shut down like I did before.
My doctor wanted to start me on a fourth medication, but it's associated with birth defects if taken the first trimester, and since there's a chance I might become pregnant, we opted to hold off for now.
Things have been really good these last couple of weeks. I don't go back to work until 3/8, so I've got another whole week to relax.
I've got some photos up on Facebook...
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=39766&id=1667793467&l=32a69db1a2
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=40433&id=1667793467&l=91d3004dc2
That's it for my updates for now. :)
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
Getting Closer
Job decisions. Gah!
I applied for two jobs, got two interviews, and became a finalist for both. One of them offered me a position.
I should be happy and excited about this. People want to hire me because I don't suck. I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!
But for some reason this has become a very melancholy and overwhelming process.
I realized while being interviewed that I say things like "my company", "my team", and "our software", implying a sense of pride, ownership, and belonging. I've always taken pride in my work, but I don't think I realized how much my company has become a part of me. It's practically part of my identity now, and that's not necessarily a bad thing.
That makes me think twice about walking away, especially when the job offer I got isn't a great one. It's not bad, but it's not what I hoped for. I did like the people who interviewed me, and I'm flattered that they were impressed with me even though I'm lacking some of the experience they were looking for. I would probably enjoy their laid back atmosphere. But is that enough? Would I really be better off?
Today my CEO asked to talk to me about why I'm looking for jobs. He told me that the company wants to work with me to solve some of the problems I've been having with the shared workspace, and he said he hopes I'll stay. This is coming from a man who thinks turnover is a good thing for a software team because it gets staleness out and brings new talent in. I guess he doesn't think I'm stale.
After our conversation, the CEO authorized my boss to make me a counter-offer. But my boss took all day to get his shit together, and I didn't hear from him until I had left work and was on my way to workout class. He asked me to talk with him first thing tomorrow. And he said this (I quote): "We're gonna make it an easy decision for you."
Does that mean what I think it means?
Tomorrow I am also meeting with the people who offered me the job to ask them questions and try to learn more about what they do, how they do it, and whether I'd be a good fit there culturally. It should be an interesting, if not hectic day.
I've been feeling so overwhelmed lately... I hope the anticipation of tomorrow's events don't keep me up all night. I really need to be rested for this. Maybe it's a NyQuil night...
A decision will be made soon.
I applied for two jobs, got two interviews, and became a finalist for both. One of them offered me a position.
I should be happy and excited about this. People want to hire me because I don't suck. I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!
But for some reason this has become a very melancholy and overwhelming process.
I realized while being interviewed that I say things like "my company", "my team", and "our software", implying a sense of pride, ownership, and belonging. I've always taken pride in my work, but I don't think I realized how much my company has become a part of me. It's practically part of my identity now, and that's not necessarily a bad thing.
That makes me think twice about walking away, especially when the job offer I got isn't a great one. It's not bad, but it's not what I hoped for. I did like the people who interviewed me, and I'm flattered that they were impressed with me even though I'm lacking some of the experience they were looking for. I would probably enjoy their laid back atmosphere. But is that enough? Would I really be better off?
Today my CEO asked to talk to me about why I'm looking for jobs. He told me that the company wants to work with me to solve some of the problems I've been having with the shared workspace, and he said he hopes I'll stay. This is coming from a man who thinks turnover is a good thing for a software team because it gets staleness out and brings new talent in. I guess he doesn't think I'm stale.
After our conversation, the CEO authorized my boss to make me a counter-offer. But my boss took all day to get his shit together, and I didn't hear from him until I had left work and was on my way to workout class. He asked me to talk with him first thing tomorrow. And he said this (I quote): "We're gonna make it an easy decision for you."
Does that mean what I think it means?
Tomorrow I am also meeting with the people who offered me the job to ask them questions and try to learn more about what they do, how they do it, and whether I'd be a good fit there culturally. It should be an interesting, if not hectic day.
I've been feeling so overwhelmed lately... I hope the anticipation of tomorrow's events don't keep me up all night. I really need to be rested for this. Maybe it's a NyQuil night...
A decision will be made soon.
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