Too Many Distractions

I'm so distracted today.

I had a spur of the moment lunch date with the boy, which made me not want to come back to the office, and now I can't stop thinking about it.

There have been several divisive discussions at work today.

I've been asked to do an evaluation of another employee, which is time consuming and requires careful thought.

I've also been asked to be part of a committee to review the evaluation process and improve it.

And we've been having a heated debate about the "correct" process for developing and documenting our software, which in a way also involves our evaluation process.

On the surface, everyone is being diplomatic, but underneath, people are frustrated and bitter.

And they keep talking to me about it, and I keep zoning out because I don't want to deal with it, and I keep thinking about my lunch date because it was the highlight of my day, and my stomach hurts because I've eaten way too much chocolate and not much of anything else, and because of all that, I can't seem to get any real work done.

Just one of those days I guess.

Thank gods it's only a 3-day work week. Hooray for Thanksgiving and a 4-day weekend!

But that brings me to another distracting thought...

The boy has invited me to have Thanksgiving dinner with his family. I'm a little freaked out about it. I can't decide what to bring or what to wear. His family is huge, he's got a zillion cousins, aunts, and uncles, etc., and they're all very close. This will be the first time I'll meet his mother. It seems a little too soon for all this.

The week after Thanksgiving, I'm going to be the boy's date to his army unit's Christmas party. Another big event with lots of people I don't know.

Somehow I need to stop thinking about all this, and find a way to block out all my coworkers who are distracting me, and just focus in on my own work. Somehow...

I'd rather just be at home, alone with my thoughts. :\

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Edit:

And minutes after I posted this, I was asked to do ANOTHER peer evaluation.

[sigh]

Stream Of Consciousness

I've spent nearly every night with the boy for the last 2 weeks. He is wonderful. I could fall in love with him if I let myself. I have been reflecting a lot, but I'm not over-analyzing, and I'm not asking questions. It is what it is, and I'm strangely comfortable with that. At the same time though, I am still holding myself back a little bit. I guess I'm protecting me. I see his defenses falling down little by little. He has introduced me to several members of his family. Last night one of his cousins raised a glass and toasted to me. They all seem to think I'm good for him. I hope I am. I'm trying to be. He sure has been good for me. It's strange how some people can tear you down and make you feel insecure, while others can lift you up and give you confidence. The boy does the latter for me. I wasn't looking for someone to boost my self esteem, I've always tried to find my own strength from within instead of looking for it in other people. But he has this way of saying just the right thing, or looking at me just the right way, or sending me a smiley text at just the right time of day... He lifts me up. I don't know how else to explain it. I smile just thinking about it. How did I get so lucky? Last night we were talking, and he told me he had been wondering how he got so lucky. He radiates this energy sometimes, I can feel it coming out of him. Most of the time I feel that he likes me, that he's comfortable and happy around me. On occasion I feel more than that, and I tremble with affection and fear. I could fall in love with him if I left myself. But it's only been 2 weeks. There's so much more time to spend together, time to get to know each other, even though he feels so familiar already. He has started calling me "his girl". It makes me blush with warmth. I love being his girl. I find myself thinking crazy thoughts, like what if we could be this way forever, what if he is the one? Is that even possible? I don't know how to wrap my head around that, but it creeps into the back of my mind regardless. He actually seems willing to fight me for me. It's shocking. I wake up in the morning and feel surprised that he hasn't changed his mind about me, that he's still here, still holding onto me, in spite of me. I just smile and feel grateful for his presence in my life right now. I'm a very happy and lucky girl.