Breathe in.
Then breathe out.
That was the "team task" from our consultant on Friday.
On Monday we met with the external attacker, and we were pleasantly surprised when she basically talked herself down. Unexpected, but most certainly welcome.
Then today...
To start with, we only have 5 people on our team, since my coworker got the other job. One is out on vacation all week, and another is on vacation starting this afternoon. A third went home sick today. So now it's just me and one other guy, and he's only a tech writer, not a programmer. We have two projects completely un-started, and if they're not complete by end of business tomorrow, our budget for the next iteration will drop from 3.5 to 3, or maybe even 2.
So I'm the only programmer, and I have exactly one business day to start and finish two projects. And possibly be prepared to give demonstrations on them first thing Thursday morning.
No pressure.
If that wasn't enough, we got harshly yelled at again today, by somebody different this time, but about the same issue. It feels like we just finished hashing this out and getting everybody to agree to a plan. Then someone who wasn't involved in any of the previous negotiations questions it all over again.
[frustrated sigh]
I left work late yet again, stopped for drive-thru because I had no energy for making dinner, then rushed home and put my pajamas on. I booted up the computer hoping to talk to my husband, but he wasn't online. So I ate dinner while watching Jeopardy. I actually got the Final Jeopardy question right, which never happens. Then I logged into Warcraft, hoping to join my guild for a holiday quest (it's Brewfest - the WoW equivalent of Oktoberfest), but they already had a full group. Then I thought, now what am I gonna do?
And here I am writing this blog, because all my favorite outlets for stress relief are unavailable tonight.
I suppose I should go to bed early. Tomorrow is going to be brutal.
Breathe in.
Then breathe out.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
Day of Punishment
Today was really hard, but not in the usual sort of way. My department was blind-sided by repeated beat-downs from other people, and each time, we scrambled to respond in the most politically acceptable way possible. Somehow I've become our spokesperson when correspondence is needed. I did a lot of writing today. Slow, careful, labored writing. The kind you only send when you fear a manager or CEO jumping on your ass, or when it's already happened once and you want to avoid any further reaming.
Blah.
Oddly though, I've had a perspective shift this week, and things in my department don't seem as bad as they did a few days ago. I think writing about it in my last post helped.
I also had an interesting conversation with our consultant where he told me that he thinks I'm at the same level as my coworker who is a level III. Our knowledge and experience is comparable, we participate and produce at similar levels, and we both provider leadership in different areas. That conversation was enough to alleviate my feelings of being stupid in the group workspace, although I still have my moments. At least I know now that even when I feel stupid, I'm still able to contribute in a way that is helpful to others.
The other thing that happened to change my perspective was that my team really came together this week, especially today. Even though this was a crappy day, it was crappy because of external influences - stuff we don't normally deal with, that likely won't come up again after this. The internal stuff was actually smooth and productive, and it felt like everyone respected and trusted one another in ways that I really haven't seen before this week. It gave me a renewed sense of hope.
Even so, I really do need a day off. Unfortunately, because of scheduling and other people being out, I can't get one for a while. I did manage to get my birthday off, in about a month, so at least I have that to look forward to.
Besides that, I'm just kinda blah tonight. It's the end of an incredibly long and mentally draining week. I have a headache. I'm hungry, I'm tired, and I'm frustrated with the distance between my husband and I. I can only handle repeating myself so many times over the unstable internet connection before I'm just done trying. Especially when we end our call on an argument. Maybe the argument wouldn't happen if we were face to face and could talk without technical difficulties.
I think I'll make myself some comfort food and then climb into bed. The weekend is right around the corner.
Blah.
Oddly though, I've had a perspective shift this week, and things in my department don't seem as bad as they did a few days ago. I think writing about it in my last post helped.
I also had an interesting conversation with our consultant where he told me that he thinks I'm at the same level as my coworker who is a level III. Our knowledge and experience is comparable, we participate and produce at similar levels, and we both provider leadership in different areas. That conversation was enough to alleviate my feelings of being stupid in the group workspace, although I still have my moments. At least I know now that even when I feel stupid, I'm still able to contribute in a way that is helpful to others.
The other thing that happened to change my perspective was that my team really came together this week, especially today. Even though this was a crappy day, it was crappy because of external influences - stuff we don't normally deal with, that likely won't come up again after this. The internal stuff was actually smooth and productive, and it felt like everyone respected and trusted one another in ways that I really haven't seen before this week. It gave me a renewed sense of hope.
Even so, I really do need a day off. Unfortunately, because of scheduling and other people being out, I can't get one for a while. I did manage to get my birthday off, in about a month, so at least I have that to look forward to.
Besides that, I'm just kinda blah tonight. It's the end of an incredibly long and mentally draining week. I have a headache. I'm hungry, I'm tired, and I'm frustrated with the distance between my husband and I. I can only handle repeating myself so many times over the unstable internet connection before I'm just done trying. Especially when we end our call on an argument. Maybe the argument wouldn't happen if we were face to face and could talk without technical difficulties.
I think I'll make myself some comfort food and then climb into bed. The weekend is right around the corner.
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