Today was really hard, but not in the usual sort of way. My department was blind-sided by repeated beat-downs from other people, and each time, we scrambled to respond in the most politically acceptable way possible. Somehow I've become our spokesperson when correspondence is needed. I did a lot of writing today. Slow, careful, labored writing. The kind you only send when you fear a manager or CEO jumping on your ass, or when it's already happened once and you want to avoid any further reaming.
Blah.
Oddly though, I've had a perspective shift this week, and things in my department don't seem as bad as they did a few days ago. I think writing about it in my last post helped.
I also had an interesting conversation with our consultant where he told me that he thinks I'm at the same level as my coworker who is a level III. Our knowledge and experience is comparable, we participate and produce at similar levels, and we both provider leadership in different areas. That conversation was enough to alleviate my feelings of being stupid in the group workspace, although I still have my moments. At least I know now that even when I feel stupid, I'm still able to contribute in a way that is helpful to others.
The other thing that happened to change my perspective was that my team really came together this week, especially today. Even though this was a crappy day, it was crappy because of external influences - stuff we don't normally deal with, that likely won't come up again after this. The internal stuff was actually smooth and productive, and it felt like everyone respected and trusted one another in ways that I really haven't seen before this week. It gave me a renewed sense of hope.
Even so, I really do need a day off. Unfortunately, because of scheduling and other people being out, I can't get one for a while. I did manage to get my birthday off, in about a month, so at least I have that to look forward to.
Besides that, I'm just kinda blah tonight. It's the end of an incredibly long and mentally draining week. I have a headache. I'm hungry, I'm tired, and I'm frustrated with the distance between my husband and I. I can only handle repeating myself so many times over the unstable internet connection before I'm just done trying. Especially when we end our call on an argument. Maybe the argument wouldn't happen if we were face to face and could talk without technical difficulties.
I think I'll make myself some comfort food and then climb into bed. The weekend is right around the corner.
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1 comment:
It's nice when co-workers pull together like that.
I always think of it like a family. It's ok to beat on your own, but when an outsider does it you all band together and kick the shit out of the intruder. But hey, that could just be me.
As for vampirism, I think I'd do it too. You're right, maybe too many movies or books have polluted my brain.
Thanks for the condolences. It was a rough week. My aunt died on my birthday, the boy had a million and one things to do, and then throw in a funeral and family on top of that. I'm just glad I'm living in this week instead of last week.
I did sneak in some "me" time over the weekend and it was good.
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