Dear Friend,
Drop the charade already. It's old and tired.
You may not realize it, but I've been carefully tip-toeing around you for months now. Why? Because you're volatile and you can be hard to deal with. I keep trying, because in spite of everything I think you're a good person inside and I care about you. But you do make it very difficult at times.
You want something.
You don't want it anymore.
You want it again.
You fucked it up.
You fixed it.
It's better than ever.
It's falling apart.
Everything is fine.
Up all night chain smoking.
Been betrayed.
Been the betrayer.
You'll fix it again.
You definitely want it for sure.
You're definitely NOT sure.
Convinced.
Confused.
Committed.
Afraid of commitment.
REALLY confused.
Suddenly married, but not to the person you planned.
Silent.
Absent.
Away.
It was never a problem for me to listen to you. I enjoyed it. There have been times when you've done the listening, and I've always appreciated it. You've been my lifeline more than once, although I'm not sure you knew it at the time.
Sometimes I wondered why you were sharing so much with me. In the end, I figured you just needed someone to talk to. Someone without history or judgement. Maybe I needed the same thing. It was beneficial for us both.
But when you stopped responding to me, I started losing respect for you. Don't you know, Dear Friend, that it's immature and mean to ignore someone without any explanation whatsoever? It's poor form. At least have the decency to say something. If you're just too busy right now, let me know. If you don't want to talk anymore, just tell me that. Don't leave me wondering where you've gone. After all the times I've been there for you, it's really not fair for you to leave me hanging like this.
I've been trying to get your attention for weeks now, but I'm starting to lose hope. Maybe you just don't want to be found or bothered. Maybe I should stop reaching out and accept the possibility that I may never talk to you again. You will have gone out of my life as quickly and unexpectedly as you entered it. If that's what you want, I will respect your wishes.
Just know that I still think you're good inside, and I will always care. No matter what.
- Andrea
P.S. I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.
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Baring of soul in progress.
12 comments:
Andrea, you know 'your friend', don't you?
For better or worse, yes I do.
Don't give up on reaching out, okay?
Things are going to get really ugly soon -- all I can say is, 'duck'.
Really ugly how? Maybe I don't even want to know...
Feel free to IM me if you want to share details. My addy is posted on my profile. I probably won't be on until tonight tho.
Thanks, I'll do that!
(I won't be on until tonight, either.)
Sister Midnite, thanks for encouraging me. I haven't given up yet. But it is certainly hard to stay motivated when all the effort is so one-sided. I can only hope my friend will hear my plea and open up like he used to.
Andrea, you'll always have my undying support.
Sorry I didn't IM you, I crashed as soon as I got home tonight. But I'll look for you tomorrow or this weekend. (My email's listed on my profile, if you'd like to chat that way.)
Thanks Sister Midnite. No problem about the IM - I crashed when I came home too, so I wasn't online anyway. It's been another rough week. :-)
Andrea,
I just wanted to come and thank you for your kind words about my poem on Mayo's blog and I came here and got wrapped up in your post. I feel all the pain that you are going through and I wish I had some answers for you. I wish I could tell you that everything was going to turn out ok. I do want you to keep fighting and hang in there. Things probably will get worse before they get better. Just remember to always take care of yourself first and everything else will come.
Take care and come to my blog and vent if you need to.
Hi Andrea,
This is my first time commenting on your blog but I just wanted to thank you for one of your post on BleedingChaos' blog. I related to Gerard for the same reasons, especially when I was first diagnosed with clinical depression. I really looked up to him for being open about it. So I appreciate you for being the same. Like I said on BC's "Endless Cycle" blog, I hope people like us can shatter the myth and perceptions people have of the mentally ill (I know that is not the greatest term, I actually hate it) by listening to highly intelligent people such as yourself. Take care and thanks.
Thanks, Blackheart, I appreciate your comment. I agree, there are a lot of negative stereotypes about mental illness, but I hope by talking about it, we can help change that.
I love your Zoolander quote!
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