Conjunction or Opposition?

The stars may have aligned for me once again, if only briefly. I have slept next to the pharmacist for the last two nights. No sex. Not even kissing. We just curled up together, all our clothes still on, and slept. It was so peaceful and warm. I wanted a boy to hold me at night, and it seems I got what I wished for. It's been a great weekend.

Problem is, our core values couldn't be more different. We have a ton of fun together as long as we don't talk politics or religion. He's a gun-toting conservative catholic, and I'm a pacifist liberal pagan. He swears that society's morals are being degraded by an over-abundance of tolerance, and I swear they're being degraded by a lack thereof. What's more, he seems to want to convince me that his viewpoint is correct, and it's starting to get on my nerves.

On the other hand, when we don't talk about those things, we really get along great. We like a lot of the same movies, we both like to play video games, we both appreciate spending time outdoors, we have a similar sense of humor, and there's definitely physical attraction and chemistry, even though we've both been careful not to act on it so far.

There are a lot of things about him that are incredibly endearing. The way he talks about his family - how he misses them and wants to be part of their lives. He loves his nephew like a son, and he wants to have children of his own. He's also very kind, generous, and polite. I don't meet a lot of guys my age who have a concept of good manners.

So it's turning out to be much more complicated that I imagined. I think we're both aware of this big glaring problem, and neither of knows what to do about it. We are so similar in so many ways, yet so very different in others. How do we reconcile that? Is it possible to be together and be happy, without driving each other crazy with our opposite values?

Then there's the part where he's planning to move back east to be closer to his family. His goal is to move by next May, before his nephew's 10th birthday, although he hasn't taken any steps to actually do it. He said the only way he would stay in Oregon is if he met his soulmate and she needed to stay here.

I think I'm screwed either way. On the extremely off chance that he considers me to be his soulmate, there's no way in hell I can let him stay in Oregon just because of me. He needs to be near his family. On the more likely chance that we are not meant to be together in the long term, then I have to be very, very careful not to become too attached to him, or I'm going to be heartbroken when he leaves.

Thank nature he's aware of this too and shares the same worries. At least we don't have the problem of one of us pushing for more than the other person is ready for. We both know we need to be careful and take things very slowly.

But that also means the hesitancy continues, maybe indefinitely, or until one of us cracks and either says "all in" or "no more". It'll be interesting to see how this goes.

All I know is, sleeping with him - actually sleeping and being physically close without any expectation of sex - is so very comfortable. He puts his arms around me in just the right way. He makes me feel warm and safe and cared for. I love it. A part of me wishes I could have it every night, but I know I can't and that makes me sad. I can see him having the same dilemma.

I guess I should just continue on this path of letting things happen however they need to without having expectations one way or another. It's not the easiest thing in the world, but I don't know what else to do.



p.s. I've given up on a nickname. He will be called the pharmacist on this blog, but IRL I will always use his real name.