Winter

The thing I've always hated about christmas is how it's become a commercial holiday that's all about getting stuff. Family members stress out over buying the "right" gifts. Kids get greedy about opening presents early. I've never liked that, even when I was a kid on the receiving end.

When I was a kid, the things I loved about christmas were spending time with friends and family, eating good food, and staying cozy inside when it was cold and dark outside. But those things aren't really specific to christmas - I like to do them during the whole winter season.

The solstice is important to me because it's the longest night of the year. It's the turning point between seasons. Up until that point, it's been getting darker and darker with each day. But after that point, the light starts returning again and we're on our way back to spring and summer. I guess it's more of an observation of nature than a holiday.

Sometimes people ask me what I do to celebrate solstice, and they don't get it when I say "nothing". I suppose I could celebrate. Other pagans have solstice traditions that aren't far off from christmas traditions -- feasting to celebrate the last harvest, putting up lights to illuminate the long winter nights, decorating trees, although usually outside trees, not ones you cut and bring into your living room. I like doing all those things. I just haven't done them in the last few years because I've been alone, and because for me the simple observation and appreciation of the season is a daily celebration in and of itself.

I love this time of year. I love frost and fog and cold and darkness. I love it because it makes my home feel that much more warm and safe. I love it because it's a transition and a time of rest. All the plants and animals are dormant, regaining strength and energy, waiting to burst out again in the spring. It's a quiet time, a time of reflection, a time to embrace the dark and be grateful for the light.

For me, christmas is just another day. It's a day to celebrate, just like any other day during this season.

Last night someone asked me if my kids would celebrate christmas. To be honest, I really hadn't thought about it yet.

I remember being so irritated with my mom for putting on the whole show of christmas for my baby sister, when we hadn't celebrated christmas for years before she was born. What bothered me about it was that it was all about presents. That's how my sister grew up, and to this day at age 17, she still thinks she's entitled to get stuff at christmas time. She cares nothing about spending time with family or observing the winter season, and it's never even crossed her mind to give to others.

What's extra frustrating is that my mom doesn't even believe in presents at christmas time, at least not in the commercial obligation sense. She believes in enjoying the whole season, just like I do. But she failed to pass that appreciation on to my sister because she focused on getting her stuff, always bigger and more than the year before. Now my sister thinks christmas sucks if she doesn't get all the stuff she wanted. That really bothers me a lot. It's like she missed the whole point.

I will encourage my children to celebrate during this season, and they can celebrate christmas specifically if they want to. I will leave that choice up to them. But I'm going to make damn sure that it's not just about getting free stuff. It should be a family time.

We can make big dinners together. They can help me bake cookies. We can all go play in the snow. If we're lucky enough to have a fireplace, we can roast marshmallows and make s'mores, or read stories together. If I could afford it, maybe I would take my children on a small vacation during the winter season. Nothing fancy or too far away - maybe even just stay with my mom for a couple days. It should be something to remind them that we're a family unit and we celebrate by being together. Presents are appreciated, but secondary. They should be grateful for the season and for the time spent with friends and family, whether they get presents or not. And if they're invited to go somewhere, they should contribute in some way. Help with dinner or bring food to share. I don't want my kids to be greedy little gift mongers who don't understand or care about the spirit of the season.

I hope my husband will be okay with that. His family celebrates christmas, and in general, they do so by getting together and sharing dinner. But there's also some gift greediness. I hope our kids won't fall into that attitude.

I miss my husband more than usual at this time of year. I didn't expect the holiday season to be any different than the rest of the year, but it really is. I like to spend this time with the people I love, but the person I love the most isn't here. I've never spent the holidays with Joe before. Last year, he was out of state, and this year he's overseas. I'm really sad without him.

But I'm also grateful that he's alive and safe, and if all goes well, we'll see each in just over a month when he comes home on leave. Up until this last week, his leave seemed so far away. Now it's actually within reach, and I'm so excited.

We'll have to wait until next year to start them, but I hope we'll have our own winter holiday traditions that we can both be proud of.