I'm Working On It

Sometimes it really does help to get it all out. Writing my last post actually made me feel better. I still feel depressed, but I don't feel helpless.

Over the weekend, especially when I was writhing in pain from my latest severe headache, I made the decision to actively try to better myself. I started taking my vitamins and probiotics again, I made a return to the daily soy protein shake, and I made a conscious effort to keep a full glass of water nearby at all times. And I blogged. That was huge. I still had trouble falling asleep last night, and I still woke up with the same headache, but everything seemed less severe. A step in the right direction.

But then today at work I found myself immensely distracted and unmotivated. The idea of putting in any kind of real effort just makes me want to walk out of the building, go home, and take a nap.

So I took another step. I sent email to a counselor who contracts with the military. It turns out, one of my benefits as a military spouse is that I get free counseling. Joe already saw this counselor once before he left, and he said she made him feel comfortable talking. This is good. If it wasn't free, and if I didn't already have a good reference, I probably wouldn't do it.

I also set up an appointment for a deep tissue massage. At every chiropractic appointment during the last 9 months or so, the doctor always says my spine looks good, I just have this muscle tension that is pulling and squeezing on everything else. We've looked for internal causes for this -- gluten intolerance, candida infection, lack of certain nutrients -- and even though we've worked through those issues, the muscular problems persist. So I'm finally going to have someone get tough on my muscles. This is long overdue, and it's probably going to hurt really bad, but hopefully it will lead to overall improvement.

I'm waiting to hear if we'll have another circuit training class at work, but because of the economy, I'm not sure if it will happen. I really need to start up a daily walking routine like I had last summer. Anything more than that is going to take a special motivation that I don't yet have the energy for. But I'm getting there.

I have to say, one of the things I appreciate most about my husband is his ability to see what's bothering me, even when he's far away, and tell me exactly what I need to hear to start feeling better. Sometimes it's sympathy, and sometimes it's a kick in the ass. I don't know how he always knows what I need. He's good like that. :)