On My Own

After I cried out all the anger and disbelief, a strange calm settled in.

Like so many times before, I'm on my own.

There's comfort in that. I have lots of experience getting through depression by myself. I know how to do that.

Yet I still couldn't sleep last night.

I've always had this vision in my head of what a partner should be. The one person in the world who would always understand, encourage, and support, especially where others may have failed at doing so. No matter what.

But we are still two different people with different ideas, opinions, and beliefs. Different standards of what's right and wrong.

Maybe my vision wasn't realistic, and maybe I just have to let it go. We're going to disagree about some things.

I just hoped this particular issue wouldn't be the sticking point it's turned out to be. This one is important to me, more so than many others. It's my health we're talking about here. It's hard to let that go.

But... I've been more depressed than this in the past. I've been more angry and more hopeless. I've had worse job situations. I've been in terrible relationships, had bad financial problems, and all kinds of other things that were definitely worse than now.

So I'm on my own, and I'm in a tough spot, but it could be worse. I don't need Joe's approval, agreement, or even support. I've made it through things like this by myself in the past, and I can do it again.

Not my favorite place to be, but I can deal with it.

I just really hoped it would be different this time. I guess it is what it is.