Loss

I can't believe how much I crash whenever Joe leaves home. It happens every time yet it always catches me off guard. You'd think I'd be used to this by now. I've been in a funk all day, and I kinda just want to go back to hiding and sleeping all the time like I used to. That's my comfort zone.

I get this feeling sometimes like I imagined everything. When Joey's gone, our life together seems so far away that it's almost not real, even though I just woke up next to him this morning. It feels like that was a different day. My world stops when he leaves, like I skipped off the track and got stalled in some tangent reality.

I never thought another person could give meaning and purpose to my life. Everything makes sense when Joey's home. I know what I want, I know what I'm doing, and I know I can make it because he's right there beside me. His absence leaves such a gaping hole that I feel disoriented and confused.

What the heck am I doing today? Why am I doing it? Is there a point to all this?

I'm not really sure. It's all muddled, I can't think clearly.

But I know this will pass, we've only a month and a half to go. I have to pull myself together and get on with it. He'll be back home soon and I'll wake up next to him again, just as sure of myself as I was yesterday. My world will keep turning and everything in it will be right.

I just have to hold on.