Everlong

I had another dream about you last night. This one was different than the others.

I was behind a building. An alley? I'm not sure what I was doing there. Just hanging out I guess. Out of nowhere, several big semi trucks pulled up. Noisy compression breaks. I didn't know what was going on, but I didn't care.

There were other people there too - a big group. They seemed to be waiting. I wasn't with them. I was alone, doing my own thing.

Then I saw you. You were walking right past me, talking with someone I didn't know. You looked like you were talking business, giving direction, negotiating. I didn't think you saw me and I didn't want to interrupt, so I didn't say anything. Then you turned and looked right at me. You started walking toward me. I could see your face, your eyes, your hair in your eyes.

You said "Hey," and you told me that you wouldn't be able to hang out until later in the day but that I should text you. I nodded and said "okay," and waved as you turned and went back to whatever you were doing before.

I was surprised to have seen you there, but I wasn't starstruck. This was the first time we'd met in person, but it felt like I'd known you forever, like you were an old friend whom I'd met many times. I had been waiting for this, but not knowing it. I just happened to be hanging out in the right place at the right time, for no apparent reason. I was just there, and you were there too. It didn't even matter that you essentially blew me off by telling me you'd see me later (although in my dream I believed you were sincere). It was enough that you existed, that I finally spoke with you, that there was mutual acknowledgment. It was confirmation that I haven't just been taking crazy pills this whole time. You were real, and you cared enough to communicate.

When I woke up, Everlong was playing on the radio. How fortuitous.

Hello
I've waited here for you
Everlong

As the song ended and I snapped back into reality, I wondered why I'd dreamt about a scenario that's so far from the truth. Maybe it was my little subconscious fantasy, my desire for things to be clear and straight forward. I do grow tired of the way you keep me in suspense, always dangling promises in front of me.

You say you'll call me one day "out of the blue".

You say we'll have time to hang out together "some day".

I often wonder if you'll ever make good. Maybe you will, maybe you won't. I'll never know until it happens. But I will say that the longer you leave me hanging, the less interested I become. Honestly, anyone who can talk and share as much as you have with me, but still not want to meet in person... how interested should I be?

I met her. She wanted to meet me, and I wanted to meet her, so we arranged it, and it happened. She was lovely, and I'd very much like to see her again. We still keep in touch.

I wish it was the same with you. After all, I knew you first. I never would have met her if it hadn't been for you. I find it a bit ironic that she and I had a great time together while you were actively shunning us.

You are such a mystery. I don't know why I keep waiting for you, but I do. I can't help it, especially now that things have changed so much. You're like the train wreck I can't look away from.

I'm always waiting for you to show yourself, to show me something real, something honest. Is it worth it? Maybe you can tell me. Should I keep waiting?