I woke up this morning with a jumble of mixed feelings, and I've been teetering on the edge of a meltdown ever since.
My face feels warm and flushed. My body is heavy. My eyes well up and a few soppy tears escape before I choke it all back.
I just want to go home and curl up with my boy and maybe a couple of furry cats. I don't want to deal with anything today. I don't want to see anybody.
In one week, the boy will be gone.
It hit me really hard this morning, and I can't seem to let it go. I even sat through 2 hours of meetings where I was forced to be engaged and provide input. Usually that's enough distraction to get my mind off of whatever is bothering me, but not today.
Today I'm just a mess.
I have to get through the next 4 hours without completely losing it. Somehow. Maybe I'll go drown myself in chocolate. After that maybe I can zone out into some music. I'm not sure what else.
I wish I could sleep the day away and wake up in a better mood tomorrow. But I can't.
My face feels warm again. Can't let the tears escape this time, someone might see me. Need to hold it together.
What's it going to be like next week when he's actually gone?
I hate this.
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Baring of soul in progress.
2 comments:
Next week will suck.
You will feel that empty space in your home. It will be too quiet. You will bury your head in his pillow just to be closer to his smell. You will be weepy and cranky at the same time.
It's ok. It will get better maybe even easier as the weeks pass.
Write love letters to him. Write about the mundane too. It will keep him in the normal loop with you. Send him pictures of what's going on in your life.
It will be ok you know. Just sucky at first.
Hugs to you and him. xxxxx
I love you Andrea and we will get through this together. I'll be back before you know it. Love you baby!! :)
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