Stupid Social Constructs

A rare lunch hour by myself at my desk, leading to the second new post in one day...

So the boy and I are engaged. I haven't really told anyone about it. My family knows, his family knows, and I told one or two of my closest friends. Beyond that, I've kept it quiet. I didn't make a big announcement at work, and I didn't go to each person I know one by one and break the "big news".

There was no specific engagement date. Neither of us got down on one knee and popped the question. We just talked about it over a period of time and decided together that this is what we want to do.

Is it wrong that it doesn't seem like a big deal to me? I mean, I think it's wonderful and amazing that I'm so in love with the boy, that I really do want to spend my life with him. But the fact that we're engaged, in and of itself, is sort of inconsequential.

We've basically been committed to each other since the night he came home from training when we first fell in love. So it doesn't feel like our level of commitment has changed. I do think we're more in love now than we were then, but that's been a slow progression of continual growth and increased closeness over time. It didn't just happen because we decided to get married. To me, the only difference now is that we have a mutually agreed upon plan.

I guess the process of planning is really what led to our engagement. We started talking and figuring out what we wanted to do and when. Now we know. We both acknowledge that things might not go exactly the way we want, or happen at the exact time we want, but we're both flexible. We just want to be together. We want a family together. That's all that matters.

This all seems like a private matter to me. I've known girls who run out and tell everyone they know that they're engaged to be married. I've known girls who take pictures of the ring and post it on their website. I've known girls that have shared every detail of the wedding plans, at every step along the way. For those girls, that's totally cool. I understand how exciting it is to make a change in your life, and I fully support each person's method of handling it. If you want everyone to know, then by all means, shout it out. Flaunt it. Amen, sister.

But that's just not how I roll. I don't like to be the center of attention. I like to hide. I like to keep my private life private. It's the same reason why nobody in real life knows about this blog. I write in order to hash things out, or to document events for my own reference and reflection. I like to exchange comments with the people I've met here, but I have no need for the people I see every day to know this much detail about what goes on in my brain. The boy is the only exception to that rule.

I recently opened a new Facebook account, and I set my relationship status to "engaged". Holy crap, I've gotten so many comments on it. I was really surprised. I mean, I totally don't mind the standard friendly congratulations. But some people actually seem shocked or irritated that I didn't tell them personally.

In an odd way, it made me wonder who my real friends are. Most people who know me well (and there are only a select few), know that I don't like to shout that kind of information out to the world. I'm relatively quiet and introverted, especially about really personal things. For all the people who haven't figured that out yet... are you even really my friends?

I suppose I shouldn't look at it that way. There's nothing wrong with being surprised or wanting more information, and I don't mind answering questions. It's just... there's a reason why I chose not to make a big announcement, you know? I guess I didn't realize that the simple act of changing my relationship status on a website would turn out to be the equivalent of a big announcement.

I think people must wonder why I didn't announce it. Like maybe I'm not sure of what I'm doing, or maybe I'm hiding it for some reason. I'm probably being paranoid for thinking that, but it does seem like it is socially accepted and even expected that engagement and wedding announcements should be formal and official.

But I don't care what people think. I guess I'm just frustrated that it's turning into a big deal, because I really didn't want it to be a big deal. To me, it's not a big deal. It's just right. I know it and feel it with every part of my being. This is the right thing for me to do. It's what I want. It's what makes me happy. Something so right doesn't need a lot of fanfare. It is what it is, and I'm happy to sit back and watch it unfold as nature intended. Nothing more needs to be said.