Ebb and Flow

This was a melancholy weekend.

I don't even remember what I did Friday night. I just remember being tired but somehow still staying up too late.

Very early Saturday morning, before dawn, I awoke to the sounds of rodents in my ceiling. I tried to convince myself that they were just squirrels so I could go back to sleep. I slept fitfully and had weird dreams about moving into a strangely laid out apartment with this other couple and their baby. I think that was my subconscious mind saying dammit, if there's mice in this apartment again, I'm fucking moving.

All day Saturday I was tired and lazy. I had a list of errands and chores to do, but I couldn't motivate myself to do any of them. I played Warcraft for most of the day, took a nap, watched some crappy TV, talked to the boy several times. I felt a bit depressed. But maybe I just needed the down time. It had been a long and busy week.

Very early Sunday morning, again before dawn, I awoke to more noises, except this time, it sounded like it was coming from inside the apartment. Cats playing, I thought. It has to be cats playing with some new "toy" they found.

After a few minutes, I decided to get up and inspect. There was Nina, hunkered down silently and motionlessly, staring at the closet door which conceals the washer and dryer. Obviously not playing, and obviously not making the noise which I could still hear coming from inside the closet.

Great. Here we go again.

I grabbed a flashlight, opened the closet doors, and looked around the edges of the washer and dryer, way down in the corners where there's so little space that I can hardly see. No holes in the wall. No droppings. No signs of activity. But I hear those little fuckers. I hear them chewing and gnawing and scurrying around in there. It's only a matter of time before they come through, and then it'll be hell, just like last time.

Feeling helpless and resigned to fate, I threw my hands in the air and climbed back in bed. I texted the boy and told him I might have to move while he's gone.

He called me and gave me the tactful kick in the ass I needed to stop being a wuss and take matters into my own hands. Except I would have to wait until Monday morning when the apartment manager would be available.

In the meantime, I tried to go back to sleep. I had more weird dreams, this time about some random woman coming into my apartment through the back sliding door, leaving before I could catch her in the act, then lingering in my back yard and acting as if she'd done nothing wrong or unusual. The way she had entered was weird - she somehow opened the door from the wrong side, completely circumventing my little ghetto security device (wooden dowel in the door track), and breaking the door lock so it wouldn't close properly again. I felt my home had been violated, and I was angry that she treated it like such a trivial matter. I'm thinking the woman must represent the mice.

When I woke up from that, I took the boy's advice to heart. Even though I couldn't contact the apartment manager right away, I could still take control of my home. I completely cleaned the bathroom, hung a brand new shower curtain, vacuumed, did all the dishes and laundry, and took out all the garbage and recycling.

I felt much better afterwards. Accomplished. In control. But once again, very tired, especially since I'd woken so early for the last two days. And my back was hurting. Even with all the strength I've gained from my workout routine, cleaning the bathtub still kills my back every time. Always has.

Too tired to cook or go anywhere, I ordered pizza. About 30 minutes later my doorbell rang, but it wasn't the pizza delivery. It was my upstairs neighbor. I had placed a couple boxes out with "return to sender" written on them. She saw them but missed my note on them, and thought they were for me. Nevermind that they appeared on a Sunday, when there's no mail service. She was just letting me know, and she offered to go get them and bring them down, which I thought was very nice. But it was a strange interaction. Every interaction I've had with her has been odd. There's something about her. She's flightly and high strung. Always overly nice. Not ingenuine, but... apologetic? Even bumbling. It's hard to describe. I almost wonder if she's got anxiety or mania. It might explain why she's always up so late stomping around over my head and doing household chores like there's no tomorrow. I used to think she was just completely unaware of her surroundings or how she affects other people, but obviously she cares at least somewhat, since she came all the way downstairs to talk to me about my packages.

Anyway, right after she left, my pizza arrived. After I ate, I crashed hard. I crawled into bed at about 9pm, and tried desperately to ignore the continuing sounds of rodents in the wall. I finally got up and turned the dryer on. I still had damp towels to dry anyway.

Then the boy called and told me all about his day. He had practiced riding in, and getting out of, a vehicle that rolls over, like a jeep or humvee. Apparently you get really disoriented, reaching for wrong doors, and stepping on other people, just because of the way everything gets all turned around on you. I imagine it being like one of those amusement park rides that I loved when I was a kid, but that make me sick to my stomach now.

And we talked about getting married. The boy finally decided that he wants to get married right away instead of waiting a year. He told me that I was right, in all of our discussions about it. But I told him it's not about who's right or wrong in the argument, it's about knowing whether something feels right. It's okay to take extra time to decide whether it feels right.

Well... he took the time, and now he's decided it feels right... and I'm damned excited about it. :)

We're getting married when he comes home on leave, in a couple weeks. Probably on May 4th, but that's not set in stone. We have to apply for a marriage license and schedule a ceremony with a judge. I got a list of judges from the county clerk's office.

After I got off the phone with the boy, I was so happy and excited that I couldn't sleep. I cried with happiness, I laughed, I thought and pondered, I tossed and turned. The cats were both curled up on the bed, dead to the world, and could not be bothered to listen to my blather.

Then the dryer stopped, and the rodent sounds resumed. As if I needed anything else to keep me awake!

I got up and started the dryer again, took a swig of NyQuil, and finally fell asleep after midnight.

I had more weird dreams, woke early again to more rodent noises, and finally rolled out of bed this morning to go talk to the apartment manager. I told them, if this isn't taken care of immediately, I will move out. I will not tolerate another infestation in my home. It was such a messy, disgusting pain in the ass last time around, and I won't deal with it again. They promised me they'd get right on it. We'll see how it goes...

So it's another Monday, I'm back at work, I'm exhausted and in a brain fog because I didn't get enough sleep all weekend, and I'm so stoked that the boy and I are getting married! Besides that, I've got another list of errands to run and phone calls to make, and somewhere in there I actually need to get some work done? Oh right, there's a reason why they pay me to be here...

Good grief, there's a lot going on!