Once again, I care too much about what other people think, and it's making me feel overwhelmed. I'm really not good at this. The only time I have any skill at getting my way without caring how it affects other people is at the poker table, and even then, I still feel bad when I beat someone.
Everyone's got an opinion. Everyone thinks they have a right.
Surprisingly (or maybe not), the people who have been the most respectful and unconditionally supportive have been my coworkers. Our HR director congratulated me. Our CFO gave me a bottle of Dom Perignon. My boss has already started calling me by my new name. And my closest friends at work have been awesome -- they want to know all the details, but they don't judge, they don't offer "suggestions", and they don't try to invite themselves along. They just tell me they're happy for me, and I can see they really mean it.
Family members, on the other hand, have not been so respectful.
My dad passive-agressively complained about how he didn't even know I was engaged, how he hopes he can meet my fiance someday, and how he wishes I'd told him sooner so he could make plans to come (as if he's invited). Well, dad, that's what happens when you make no effort to communicate with your daughter. You're not in the loop.
The boy has friends and family trying to invite themselves to the wedding and/or brunch afterwards. I'm so torn. I don't want anybody to feel hurt or left out, yet I kind of want to leave them out. This isn't an "event". There were no invitations. You know why? Because nobody was invited!
Some of them think they're being supportive by insisting. Some of them are just excited and want to be involved. Some of them are being selfish. Some of them just don't have a clue.
The only people we asked to come were our immediate family members. My mom and sister, and the boy's mom and sister. Yet people who weren't invited seem to think they have a right to be there. This wedding isn't for them. It's for us. Why can't they respect that?
Yet, even as I'm angry at people for assuming and intruding, I still feel really, really bad. In the back of my mind, I feel this obligation to do what people want. I actually feel guilty for not planning a big thing and reserving a space and sending out invitations and making everyone feel welcome. Even though that's totally the opposite of what I want for my wedding.
I wish I'd asked the boy and his family to just keep it quiet until after it was over, and I wish I'd done the same. But I suppose that wouldn't fly.
I know I'm whining about something that was probably inevitable, and I should just take a deep breath and let it all flow. But I can't help thinking we should secretly get married on Thursday or Friday before anyone has a chance to bitch about it.
[sigh]
If only...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
I think that's the problem. Instead of being happy for yourself, you're trying to make everyone happy by not disappointing them. Like you said, it your and the boy's day, not anyone else's. You have to do what you want to do, not what anyone else says.
And with the economy the way it is, who's going to want to spend so much money on invitations, wedding planners, a hall, etc etc?
You can't sacrifice your happiness just to please others. Go with the flow.
Ok, this is something I know a bit about.
Wooly and I had originally planned a wedding. Not a large one. Something small and intimate with a few close friends, some family, etc.
What happened was that my parents weren't going to help with paying for it (don't even ask me about it - it was a nightmare) and still demanded certain things. Like, “so-and-so needs to be in the wedding and you have to invite blah-blah-blah. By the way, I'm not paying for any of it and you must get married at x.”
Then his family did the same thing. "You can't have a wedding outside, blah, blah, blah. You have to do this. You have to do that. By the way, we're not giving you any money towards the wedding either. These dates aren’t good for us and you should think about having your cousin in your wedding. You used to be so close…”
Ultimately, we eloped. We picked a random date and went for it. Told nobody. Invited parents only for an after wedding dinner (which nobody showed up for because of an ice storm).
The only people who were bent about it were his grandmother (who soon got over it) and the person who introduced us. He felt that he should've been the best man.
Don't worry about anybody else. Just make yourself happy.
I'm with Jenn, Andrea.
It's *your* wedding, *your* day, and you & the boy only need to do what will make *you* happy. Although people who mean well (and maybe some that don't) may be trying to talk you into believing that you're obligated to invite ___, you're not. I think you owe it to yourself to have exactly the wedding you want. *hugz*
Your dress is beautiful, too!
You've done a great job bringing all the pieces together, and practically buried time/budget constraints. Ever think about moonlighting as a wedding planner? ^_~
Post a Comment