Zombie -- And Not The Good Kind

I'm so out of it today. I need a recap of my week to help me clear my brain of this heavy fog.

Wednesday (last week) -- It was my last day to talk with Joe before he left for Kuwait.

Wednesday night -- Phone call in the middle of the night from Joe. He was getting ready to leave. I didn't sleep well, and woke up feeling drained.

Thursday -- All day meeting at work. Energy zapped. Depressing conversation.

Thursday night -- Broke down, cried for hours.

Friday morning -- Woke up with sore throat and congestion. Called in sick.

Friday -- Slept and didn't do much else. Still got work on my mind. Joe called to tell me he made it to Kuwait. Happy to hear his voice, but bummed out that we no longer have time to really talk about things.

Saturday -- Throat still sore, still tired, still thinking about work. Slept some more. Played WoW. Went to see Transformers 2. It was long.

Sunday -- Feeling better, but still tired. Slept some more. Played more WoW. Managed to get some household chores done. More thoughts about work.

Monday -- Half day of regular work, followed by off-site seminar with my department. Touchy-feely stuff. Incredibly draining and frustrating.

Monday night -- Cried hard. Ate dinner. Cried some more. Went to bed. Cried some more. Thoughts of work, people, the mythical winning lottery ticket, and Joey.

Tuesday morning -- Eyes and cheeks so swollen, it looked like someone hit me in the face. Still weepy. Drove across town to the off-site location for more seminar.

Tuesday -- More draining. Behavior style profiles reveal nothing new, but bring up old issues that get me thinking. Frustrating memories. But maybe opportunity, as our consultant wants to use this information to make sure the introverts don't always get steamrolled by the extroverts.

Tuesday night -- Urge to cry, but nothing left. Laid down on the couch and just stared blankly until I fell asleep. Woke up an hour later, starving. Got up to make dinner. Felt so heavy and sluggish. Went to bed early, numb.

Wednesday -- Dragged myself out of bed to drive across town for the last day of off-site meeting. Frustrating group discussion. Everyone hates someone else for different reasons. Draining. After lunch, back to the office for a 2-hour meeting. So tired.

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Interrupted by the consultant for a meeting. Really wanted to finish my thoughts before I started the work day. Grrrr....
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Work day over now, getting ready to go home.
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Wednesday night -- After work, played Bingo with the in-laws. I didn't even come close to winning, but it was nice to visit with family, and also nice to have a mindless zone-out activity to take my thoughts away from work.

Thursday morning -- Very, very heavy and tired. Grumpy. Went to the chiropractor, and he noted the stiffness of my neck tissue, but said my spine looked good -- all the problems are muscular. Tension from stress. No big surprise there. Went to work feeling pissed off.

Thursday -- [up to current now] Snapped at my coworker, then had to apologize because he did nothing wrong -- I was just in a shitty ass mood. My mood gradually improved, and in the afternoon I did some pair coding which was actually fun. The inept developer is out for two days, so the two of us remaining were able to work quickly and efficiently.

I got some new information about the potential new position we discussed in last Thursday's all-day meeting -- the one that got me thinking and made me depressed. The consultant believes that in the short term we will not get the new position, and later, if/when we do, he believes I will not be qualified for it. He's looking for someone with many years of experience in our industry at the business decision making level. Not the news I wanted, but at least I don't have to guess about it anymore.

The position I applied for in another department -- the first portion of the interview is a basic skills test. I will take the test on Monday of next week. If I pass the test, I will move on to a face-t0-face interview. But it is likely that the overall hiring process will be slow. It could be 4-6 weeks before I know if I get the job. Still, I'm happy that the process is rolling now.

New home computer parts should arrive today. New webcam so I can talk to Joey when he gets internet access, and new wireless adapter that should work better with Windows 7 than my old one.

Going home now. Feeling more lighthearted than I have all week, but I really miss my husband. It was hard enough not being able to see him or touch him. Now, not being able to hear his voice or share my daily life with him is so difficult, especially when I've had so much going on at work.

Oh, and apparently someone from the army, or from an army family support group called his mother to tell her that he landed safely in Kuwait. That phone call should have come to me. This makes me think the army still doesn't have all of our information up to date.

Anyway... I'm just trying to keep him in my thoughts, and send him mental hugs and loves every chance I get. Besides that, I'm just doing the best I can to get through each day.

Tomorrow's Friday. :)