He came back today. We talked for hours. I love talking with him.
The universe works in very mysterious ways, doesn't it?
I went to a bar that I would normally never go to. I met this boy who's waaaaay too young for me. On a strange whim, I brought him home with me - totally uncharacteristic. I slept with him, which is what you'd expect when you bring someone home from a bar, but then... Then we talked, we spent time together, we connected. I actually kinda sorta fell for this guy. I wrote it off, even though I couldn't stop thinking about him, because I figured we'd never see each other again. Then he came back today, we spent more time together, and we connected even more strongly than before. Despite all the reasons why being with him could never possibly work, I'm fairly certain that I could fall in love him. Like really fall hard! Maybe a part of me already has. Oh but he's leaving tomorrow to go to boot camp for the next 4 months, and then he's going to war. Fucking Iraq!
Could this be any more wrong? How could the universe drop this boy in my lap like this, only to take him away so swiftly? Even if he wasn't going away, it would still be wrong. In terms of background, family, personal culture, and nearly everything else, we come from completely different places. The age difference alone makes my head spin. But when we talk, there is no difference. Sure, high school was more recent for him, but aside from chronology, we're actually on the same level. That's extremely odd for me because most guys who are my age and even older aren't on my level. Yet somehow this boy is, in the most perfect way. He's wonderful! I just want to be wrapped up together with him forever.
I never expected any of this to happen. I did not go to the bar with the intention of picking up a guy. Even when I decided I wanted to spend the night with him, I didn't expect anything more than sex. Just a one night stand. I was just drunk enough for that to be okay, and that's all I wanted. But this... This was never supposed to happen.
On the other hand, I have been feeling lonely, and I DID say I wanted someone to hold me and make me feel safe. I guess I should've been more careful about what I wished for, because I got everything I wanted, and then some.
He is beautiful in every way possible, and I want him. Am I just confused? Am I just overly excited about him because I was lonely before? Or is this real?
I guess we'll see if I still feel this way when he gets back from training. But he'll only be home for a couple months before he gets sent into active duty. What happens then?
Why do things have to be so complicated?
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5 comments:
Andrea sweetie, I don't know what answers to give you.
Life is twisted and unfair most of the time. To have found this guy only to have to give him back again so soon is such awful timing. It must feel so unfair and it is.
Good for you for going out and finding someone though. Maybe I should give that a try.
Well, my week off is starting, I hope it's a good one.
I hope you have a great week too, as best you can. Chin up sweetie, things will go right some day.
luv ya xxxxxx
Well, when one door closes another opens up.
You put it out there that you were lonely, maybe the stars were aligned for you or maybe it's just your turn in the waiting line of good stuff.
BTW - "Fearless" is my favorite Pink Floyd song.
Andrea,
Honestly, I was a bit surprised after reading this post and the previous one, but I wanted to say that maybe you shouldn't give up on this guy yet, regardless if he's going out for active duty.
You never know. Life is full of surprises, even good ones. I hope he stays safe out there.
And I learned some things from the other bloggers.
Age is only just a number. I think it shouldn't matter as long as he's an adult and that you'll find a personal and emotional connection with him and that there's chemistry.
I'm 24 and yet I have a crush on a 41-year old man(Not my only one though hehe)
I wish you all the best with this. Take care
You're welcome. I hope it works out :)
Nah, the 41-year old is a guitarist, actually. Meat department guy looks like he's in his 20's.
I'd like to one day run my fingers through that long brown hair of his. And he's really tall too ^_^
We call him Killer for short, heh.
Hahaha, isn't it? ^_^
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