I was excited.
I was restless.
I was anxious.
I paced.
I stared out the window.
I got lost in my day dreams.
I became overwhelmed.
I cried.
I slouched.
I hugged a pillow.
I watched a movie.
I felt happy.
I felt lucky.
I felt lonely.
I cried some more.
I obsessed with research.
I surfed.
I read.
I learned.
I felt dumb.
I felt afraid.
I felt hopeless.
I laid down.
I watched another movie.
I cried some more.
I squeezed the life out of that pillow.
I stared out the window again, now dark outside.
I thought.
I talked to myself aloud.
I talked to my cat, she listened intently.
I cried again.
I felt exhausted.
I cried harder.
I forced myself to get up and move.
I gathered my favorite crystals and put them under my pillow.
I lit some candles and incense.
I laid down in bed.
I thought.
I stared at the flickering candle light.
I cried.
I prayed to Mother Earth and Father Sky.
I buried my face in the bed.
I tensed up until my muscles hurt.
I made a resolution to myself.
I let go.
I relaxed.
I smiled.
I drifted.
I slept.
I was renewed.
I just needed to get it all out.
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Baring of soul in progress.
8 comments:
Hiya Andrea sweetie. Thanks for you lovely words on my blog.
I have just been reading your last post. It's nice that he is still in touch with you. I hope you have more luck with your army guy than i did with mine.
xxxxxx
Thanks Miss T. I'm happy that you're back!
I probably won't hear from my boy for the rest of the time that he's in training. He thought he might be able to get on myspace, but I'm pretty sure they don't let new recruits use the internet. I've actually thought about writing to one of his cousins on myspace and asking them for his mailing address at training. I KNOW they're allowed to send and receive snail mail. But it might be weird if I approached his cousins about that. I met them all when we were all out at the bar, but I don't really know them, or know what they think of me, if anything.
Blah, can you tell I've thought about all this way too much?
I'm going to shut up now. :)
I loved this post. Sometimes you need a good cleansing.
How do you feel now?
Hi Andrea, how are you? I really like this post because it's one of those where you can cleanse your mind from all the emotions that have been tugging at you, by writing what you're feeling and what you were doing. If that makes sense.
Anyways, I wanted to say good luck with the guy, and I hope that you'll be able to reach him, whether snail mail or email. I'll have my fingers crossed for you *hugs*
How do I feel now?
I still think about him all the time, but I'm not crying about it anymore. I said my prayers to the universe and now I just have to let whatever happens happen.
Thanks Miss T, Jenn, and BC for your kind words of support. It's so nice to have encouragement.
Hiya Andrea.
Go for it girl, I'm so glad you have got in touch with his cousins.
If you have met them already, I think they will be glad that you are interested in him.
I am keeping my fingers crossed for the future. Shall I buy a hat yet hee hee?
A hat, Miss T? O_o
Unfortunately, his cousin doesn't have his mailing address at training. So I just have to rely on myspace. I'm pretty bummed out about that because I'm fairly certain the army doesn't let newbies use the internet while they're in boot camp. But I could be wrong. (I hope I'm wrong!)
Anyway, again, thank you so much for your encouragement. Most of my friends in real life are guys, and it's kind of hard to talk to guys about guys. Know what I mean? Having support from the lovely ladies of blogland has been a huge comfort.
Much love to you Miss T!
Wow, it has been a really long time, eh?
I really like this post, as you basically put into words many of my nights.
Kind of feels like a merry-go-round inside your head sometimes.
But, at the very same time, it's a great feeling.
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