"Date" Anxiety

So there's this guy I've hung out with a couple times at a mutual friend's house. (I haven't decided on a nickname for him yet -- that will be forthcoming.) We were all at a party there last weekend, and I spent quite a bit of time talking with him. Next day, I found him on myspace, we exchanged phone numbers and email addresses, and now we're getting together tomorrow night. It's kind of a date, but kind of not. We're not going anywhere, we're just going to hang out at his place. I expect it to be pretty low key.

Yet I'm still freaking out about it.

Part of me just thinks it's a mistake to hang out with anyone who might have real potential, because I'll just fuck it up. Part of me is excited about it, because... you know... I want a boy to hold me at night. Part of me is just plain nervous about there being a complete mismatch. How do I handle that?

He's really nice. He's easy going, interesting to talk to, fun to hang out with, and generally very kind. He might even qualify as a classic "nice guy". (Hmm, maybe that will be his nickname.) I know I will have fun with him when we meet up, but I still haven't decided if I really like him like him. I already know he likes me - I can totally tell. That makes me afraid of what will happen if I don't end up liking him in that way. I'm afraid I might rip him apart, like I did with the maintenance guy. He's so nice, I don't want to hurt him, and I especially don't want to make things weird for our mutual friend, because I know we'll all be in the same house for another party in a couple weeks.

I guess I'm back to that point where I'm afraid to let myself trust someone new, and I'm afraid to let my emotions out to mingle with someone else's. I'm also afraid of repeating what happened with the boy, where I let my physical desires do all the talking. It was okay with the boy because I knew he was leaving town - that was the whole point. But obviously I developed an emotional attachment there when I probably shouldn't have. I just don't think I'm capable of controlling myself in that way. For me, sex leads to emotional attachment. That's just how it is. Either that, or it freaks me out and leads to complete emotional detachment. I don't want that either. So really, I kind of want to avoid sex altogether.

What I really want is to get to know this person more and become friends, because I think he'd be a great friend to have. But beyond that?

It's also a little weird that I'm hanging out with the friend of a friend. Our mutual friend happens to be one of my coworkers, and consequently, several of my coworkers know this guy because they've all hung out at the mutual friend's house for parties. That puts me in the center of gossip, and I'm not very comfortable with that.

I'm going out for drinks after work tonight with the mutual friend so we can talk about this and maybe she can give me some additional background on this guy. She's known him for a few years, so she'll have some good insight. And maybe I can let her know that I'm not comfortable with a lot of people knowing about this, at least not until I figure out how I feel about the situation.

I've got a ton of what if's floating around in my brain and butterflies playing havoc in my stomach. I'm so freaked out.