I need to vent.
Do you ever feel like you might have made a bad choice when you picked a certain path to follow, but now you're stuck with it and it's too late or too difficult or you're just too overwhelmed to get out?
Do you ever feel like you're surrounded by people who are getting ahead by doing the bare minimum, while you're working your ass off and getting nowhere? Does it make you wonder why you even bother trying?
Do you ever feel like everything you've done up to this point has been worthless? I mean, obviously it's worth something because it got you to where you are, and hopefully that's better (or at least different) than where you used to be, but still... somehow it's not good enough. It's not satisfying. You don't feel any closer to being truly happy or fulfilled. Know what I mean?
Do you ever feel like there's no point in talking about it with other people because no matter who it is, and no matter what you say, nobody gets it?
Do you ever feel let down by other people when they ask you talk to them and trust them, but then later they abandon you? How can you possibly be expected to trust someone new when all the people you've known have hurt you, lied to you, taken from you, ignored you, or abandoned you?
Do you ever wish you could just crawl into a hole and go to sleep for a long, long time, and wake up in a different life?
I'm angry and exhausted and lonely and distraught, and completely overwhelmed by it all. I don't want to be here anymore. If I didn't have to worry about paying bills, I would quit my job, go some place far away, and stay there indefinitely until I felt calm and relaxed and ready to choose my next path. Just like the Weezer song!
Let's go away for a while, you and I
To a strange and distant land
Where they speak no word of truth
But we don't understand anyway
Holiday, far away, to stay
On a holiday, far away, let's go today
In a heartbeat!
Yeah. I totally wish I could do that. Hooray for Weezer!
That is all.
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4 comments:
Someone said this about you on her blog and it fits so I'm sharing it. She won't know which one I am and she seems to be missing anyway.
Andrea
I missed you when you were gone. Whether you know it or not, that says a lot. No matter what happens around you, don’t change. You make a pretty decent person the way you are. ;)
Anon, thanks for stopping by, and thanks for your nice comment. It means a lot.
Hi darlin'!
Been missing you lots, hope you're keeping on keepin on...
All I can say is, Fuck yeah!!! to every single effin' question you posed. ~_~
Sometimes I really think that we were separated at birth, because what you blog about is so often exactly what I'm thinking. Hello, having a Groundhog Day life, anyone?!
I'm actually having a quiet day at work ::gasp::, so I've been catching up on blogs. I'm sorry I missed some of your past posts, because I would have loved to answer. :(
Your posts about your favorite summer and 'the boy' really hit home for me. I've been thinking a lot about my past, and how much I've given up on to be a 'responsible adult'. Now it's all work and no play, and like you I'm tired of seeing others get all the credit for porking the pooch all day while I don't even have time for lunch!
I think the thing that pisses me off the most is that work sucks so much of my energy that I have none left over to express my creativity. Hell, by the time I get home I'm usually done like dinner. It's all I can do to change & eat dinner. Then I think back to six years ago when I was having so much fun my hair would hurt afterward, and I wonder if I've given up more than I've gained in life. Sure, we have what some would consider a successful career, but is it worth the emotional cost?
I'm still single by choice, but it's mainly because I haven't met anyone that's made me want to change my mind since my 'the one who got away'. I was the one who walked away from what could have been, and sometimes I really kick myself for it - especially since he now has a daughter. Interestingly enough, his current girlfriend/wife/whatever she is looks a lot like me. I don't know if that should make me feel bad or good, so I try not to think too much about it. But for some reason, it's been on my mind a lot lately, and I'm not too sure where to put it.
Like you, I'm not a person who looks for ways to meet people -- I either do or I don't. Of course, I'm beginning to think it would really help if I went someplace that wasn't work, at least once in a while. I also wish I had more time to talk with you & my Blogger friends, because I miss you guys so much.
*sigh* Shit, look at me ramble... at the best of times, I don't believe anyone understands me. When I'm in a mood? Fuggedabouddit!
What we need to do is win a lottery, hon. Then take a year to just veg, and do whatever we want to do without having to drag our asses out of bed on someone else's clock. Maybe then we could do something about our respective discontentments.
*HUGZ*
Hang in there, babe... there's *got* to be more to life than what the present has to offer.
Sis M / Nikki
Yupyupyup.
Yes to every question you posed.
It's weird. I always feel like I have some sort of advice to give, even if it is little, and even if the advice really only makes sense to me. But, see? When someone asks all of the questions I've been asking for years, I have shit to say. :)
I just know exactly where you're coming from.
Thanks for dropping by, by the way.
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