Nice Comeback

I find myself wondering a lot during the last few days.

My back problems have mostly cleared up, but now my hands/wrists/forearms hurt. Pain in my hands is especially frustrating because I basically spend all day typing at my job. It's always gotta be something, right? I wonder if I'll ever be healthy and not in some kind of physical pain every damn day? Is it possible?

One of my coworkers recently got a big promotion and pay raise. It was a surprise to everyone, because few people thought his quality of work was sufficient enough to warrant general praise, much less a promotion. I read his new job description today. It's exactly the same set of responsibilities I've been performing for the last 2 years. I wonder if I should go to my boss and point out that I've been performing at a higher level and should be awarded the job title to match? And I wonder if my company's leadership will ever pull its collective head out of its ass and figure out how to manage people more effectively. Our priority seems to be rewarding underachievers while ignoring overachievers. I've seen it over and over again, and I think it's effed up.

I wonder what my dear friend has been up to. It's been nearly a couple months since I heard from him last. I've learned not to worry about him anymore when he's quiet like this because he'll most likely be back eventually. It's been over a year now, this pattern has become old and familiar. At this point I'd be shocked if he didn't disappear for weeks or months at a time. Still... I think about him and I wonder.

I wonder what my life would've been like if I hadn't moved to Oregon after I graduated from college. What if I'd stayed in Washington? This is something I've wondered about periodically over the years, and as more time passes, it gets harder and harder to imagine how things might have been. That future is gone from me now. The only future I have is the one in front of me, which I must shape for myself. I wonder how in the hell I'm supposed to do that?

I wonder if I'll ever find that companion I've been wishing for, or if my path is one of solitude? I'm not a big believer in making opportunities to meet people. I'm more of a fate kind of girl. I think we meet the people we're supposed to meet, and if a connection is made, it's for a reason. After that, it's up to us to decide what to do with it -- make it into something more, or push it away. But I don't think meeting more people or meeting different people increases one's chances of making that connection. You can't force that kind of thing. If it's meant to happen, then it will. But what if it's not meant to happen?

Well that was quite enough wondering for one lunch break. I must get back to work.


Derek Zoolander: Who am I?
Derek's Reflection: I don't know.
Derek Zoolander: I guess I have a lot of things to ponder.
Hansel: The results are in, amigo! What's left to ponder?
[Derek stares at Hansel]
Hansel: Nice comeback!