How It Went

First things first.

Of my long list of pre-date fears and jitters, several have been eliminated.

-- I'm no longer freaked out about expectations.
-- I won't be drunkenly hopping into bed with him any time soon.
-- I don't think there's any problem with him liking me more than I like him, or vice versa.
-- I don't think I'll tear him down or rip him apart (at least not yet, and not intentionally).

Whether we're a good match or not? Still too early to tell. And here's why:

I think he's about as confused and scared as I am. Turns out, he originally moved to the west coast with his fiancée about three years ago, they broke up, and she went back east without him. Our mutual friend told me this, but I got him to talk a little bit too. She (the mutual friend) tells me that he was really hurt for a long time over the break-up, and I could hear that in his voice when he talked about it, even though he was very brief and tried not to let it show. He's now thinking about moving back home, but he's still too iffy to pull the trigger. He is largely without direction right now, and is having much difficulty deciding what's best. (Gee, sound familiar???)

Along with that, I think he has a very well defined comfort zone, and I think he will be very slow to step outside of it. I know he likes me, and he's pretty excited that I'm a nerd girl who likes video games, movies, and poker. But even as I see that glimmer of hope and recognition in his eye, I also see a great deal of hesitation and uncertainty. That makes it really, really hard for me to determine how we might work together in the long term. Just friends? Friends with benefits? Serious relationship? As long as he is reluctant to show himself, it's impossible to tell.

Not that he is completely hiding - he does let little hints out. For example, when I was getting ready to go home, he started talking about moving back east again, except it had changed from "I'm probably moving in the spring" to "you know, I don't have to move back so soon... maybe I'll just stay here."

Yeah... he likes me. I think it's cute. :)

Other observations:
-- He's a bigger nerd than I am, and that's saying something people! He's one of these nerds with very specific interests and skills that he tends to master and obsess over. I will obsess over my interests to a point, but generally, I'm more of a broad spectrum nerd -- jack of all trades, master of none. I like concepts and I like to dabble. He likes details and he likes to become an expert. I've always been really good at Tetris, but when we played together, he severely annihilated me -- repeatedly. There was never any chance in hell that I was going to beat him. But he said I played better than most. I guess that's a compliment?

-- He says he thinks he's got undiagnosed ADD, but I might even venture to put him in the category of ADHD. He's all over the place. But I'm not convinced it's uncontrollable. It's obvious that he's easily distracted and capable of changing his train of thought on a dime. But more than that, I think he allows himself to be distracted because it's easy. Maybe a form of avoidance?

-- Body language -- he's very open with hugs, but very closed off otherwise. Big hesitancy here. No problems at all with eye contact, but physical contact seems to be scary for him. But... it's still early... and maybe he's reading my confusion like I'm reading his and choosing to act accordingly. It's not like I put out the clearest signals either, so I can't really blame him.

-- Conversation was similar to body language. He's totally fun and interesting to talk to, I really enjoy his conversation. But at the same time, it was hard not to notice that all topics were generally very safe. The only time we ever came close to talking about "us" was when I mentioned that the mutual friend and I have nicknames for all of our guys, and he wanted to know what his nickname is. Not sure if that means he thinks he's one of my guys, or if he's just acknowledging the fact that he's been talked about in that way. Also, we talked about going camping on the coast together. I'm totally excited about that because I love to go camping, especially with someone who's fun to hang out with. But what does it usually mean when a guy and a girl drive an hour outside of town to go camping alone together? Those implications were never discussed, yet I'm pretty sure most people would have the same basic idea of what that means. It falls into the realm of boyfriend/girlfriend activity, right? Unless I'm totally smoking crack. (Somebody set me straight on this.) Is it weird to plan something like this when there's so much hesitancy about any real closeness?

-- He has the exact same type of clutter in his apartment that I have in mine. I actually found his place to be very comfortable. Hanging out with him there kind of reminded me of hanging out in the dorms in college. You know... we sat on the floor of a comfortably lit, slightly cluttered, bachelor pad living room with our shoes off, playing video games together. Is doesn't get much more college than that (at least not without a keg). It was very relaxing.

-- He's very intelligent and he's got life experience. This is something I was missing with the boy. I think he's even fairly perceptive, but again, still too early to tell.

-- We laugh at the same things. Not much more to say here, except that it's a pretty big deal to me. I can't be with someone who doesn't get the joke, even if it's just a friend.

-- He likes guns, and that freaks me out a little. But I'm a bit of a hypocrite on this issue. I don't like having guns around me, I never want to shoot a gun, and in general, I'm a huge pacifist. But you better believe that when society falls apart and I need protection, the guy who has a firearm and knows how to use it will be the first person I run to for help. I don't really know where that puts me, in terms of my reaction to seeing a 9mm lying on the floor. I guess I'm mixed. I probably should figure out where my priorities lie on that one.

So... with all that in mind, I don't think the status of the situation has really changed much. I'm still trying to get to know him better, and I still don't know where things are going. I know I like him, but I still don't know how much. Hard to tell if we'll be just friends or if there will be something more. Still need to figure that out.

But at least I'm not running away screaming. It's a pretty big step for me to try any of this, even just getting to know someone new as a friend. I don't do this very often because it usually freaks me out and I put up all sorts of walls and road blocks. I haven't started doing that (yet), so that's a good thing.

Oh... and I still haven't settled on a nickname. The others have been so easy, but for some reason, I'm having real difficulty with this one. I'm leaning towards "drug dealer" (he's a pharmacist), but it doesn't quite have the familiarity I want. Is it possible that I'm having a hard time with this because I feel it's important to get to know him personally? I mean, usually I view a nickname as a way to disassociate from someone, to keep it impersonal. Maybe I can't choose one because I don't want that? Who knows.

Anyway, I think the goal here will be to try my hardest not have specific expectations, and just let it happen however it needs to happen. Obviously that's easier said than done, but I'm going to try.

That's all the blather I've got left for now. Feedback is happily appreciated!