Alone

I think the universe wanted me to be alone last night.

The "happy birthday" greetings stopped rolling in by about 3pm.

All of my friends had other plans for the evening.

I had no photo ID, so I couldn't go out.

Nobody called, nobody texted.

My fucking computer wouldn't start up, so I couldn't even get online. No Blogger, MySpace, WoW, email, or instant messenger.

Nothing.

I can't remember the last time I felt so alone.

All of this came after I'd heard from my 2 childhood best friends and 3 out of my 4 ex-boyfriends during the day. The two best friends are off pursuing their dreams -- one is in grad school in NYC, and the other has her own band in Atlanta. Two of the three ex's are happily married, and the third has been in a relationship for over a year. The fourth whom I didn't hear from is away on his honeymoon right now.

And guess who didn't call, text, or email?

That's right. The pharmacist. Gotta love that guy.

It puts things into perspective, especially when you're already feeling lonely. The thoughts of "what the fuck have I done with my life lately?" begin to set in, and it all spirals wildly downhill from there.

I started to get really depressed. The last thing I wanted on my birthday was to be alone for the entire evening. In fact, what I really wanted most of all was to have a companion hold me at night. But of course, my most recent chance at that didn't work out. Stupid pharmacist.

So I lit some candles, said my nightly prayer to the universe, curled up on the couch with a fuzzy blanket and two purring cats, and watched Donnie Darko by myself. Then I cried. Then I wondered why this was the plan for me tonight. Why couldn't my plan be with other people? Or better yet, with that one special person?

After much pondering and staring into the candle light, I decided if this is how it's meant to be, then I have to accept it. There must be some reason why, there must be a lesson I need to learn here.

So mote it be.

As I climbed into bed for the night, I told myself, tomorrow is a new day with new opportunities. I'm supposed to go out with my coworkers for drinks, so maybe I'll meet somebody new, or at the very least, have a lot of good laughs.





Welcome to Scorpio, people.





p.s. Never, ever in my life have I worried about looking fat. Not once. But I swear to the gods, my new driver's license photo makes me look fat. Seriously! And I have to live with it for the next 8 years.

Lame.