Anxiety

My panic attack at the casino has made me realize exactly how much anxiety I've been experiencing in the last couple of months. I haven't wanted to acknowledge it as a long term problem. I keep thinking it's just stress, and it will pass when my stress level is reduced. But in reality, this has been ongoing for quite a while now, particularly at work, and it's had more of a negative impact on my performance than I'd like to admit. Maybe it also has something to do with my freaking out about things with the pharmacist.

I've been considering going back on medication. I really don't want to, because it's a long term commitment and a slippery slope. Last time I was on meds, my doctor had me on a veritable pill buffet - multiple antidepressants plus generic ritalin. It was horrible. I don't want that again.

I feel upset with myself for not being more in control. I haven't had to take medication for about 4 years. It's been a pretty decent run, up until the last few months when things have become extra stressful, with work and boys and family. I feel so overwhelmed. On some days I just sit at my desk with a racing heart and a knot in the pit of my stomach, and I don't know what to do or how to make it better.

So I don't know... I still haven't decided on the best course of action. I just know that something needs to change because I can't keep this up much longer.