Worst 3 Day Weekend Ever

I was not selected as a finalist for the job I applied for. The department director told me I'm #4, and they can only accept the top 3. Oddly enough, 2 of the top 3 are external candidates, and the third is someone internal, who beat me out only because they supplied letters of recommendation.

I always thought reference letters were rather meaningless, especially when you're applying for an internal position. You're already a known quantity, right? Guess I was wrong.

The application instructions did not mention anything about letters of recommendation. That means someone thought to just do it anyway, and I didn't.

I'm pretty sure my coworker/former best friend is the one who beat me out, though he hasn't said anything about it. I noticed he's in a giddy mood today, and I find it especially irritating.

Anyway... I found this out on Thursday last week. I had a rough Thursday afternoon and Friday as I attempted to squash my frustration in order to stay productive.

On Saturday, I let it all out. All day long. There was much wallowing, crying, anger, over-analyzing... and finally the conclusion that my current company just isn't a good fit for me. Or perhaps I'm not a good fit for the company. Either way, the opportunities I want are not here, and the role they keep trying to squeeze me into is no longer acceptable to me.

So when I talk to my manager about this, he's going to ask, what can the company do to help me resolve this? Because they don't want me to leave.

I thought long and hard on this. I even made a mental list of pros and cons about my job. I came up with a lot of cons, and only a few honest pros. But I worked through the issue enough that I was able to stop crying about it.

I got up and went about my evening.

Then I noticed it was getting late and I hadn't heard from Joe like usual.

I spent all day Sunday playing WoW, but wondered why Joe still hadn't called me.

By Monday I was in all out panic mode. It's not like Joe to just stop calling me. He calls me every day, sometimes twice a day, unless he's going some place where he can't call, in which case he always lets me know ahead of time. So why hadn't he called me? Why hadn't I seen him online? Was there some emergency?

Naturally, like an idiot, I read the news, looking for some shred of information. Big mistake. Suicide bombing at a police checkpoint in Ramadi. Oh hey, Ramadi's like right next to Joe's base. For all I know, this is a checkpoint he drives through regularly when he's on a mission.

Must. Stop. Reading. News.

I didn't play WoW on Monday, for fear I might miss Joe's call. I was restless and agitated all day. I couldn't go to bed, and when I finally forced myself, I couldn't sleep.

Tuesday morning, I laid in bed, being stubborn - I wasn't going to get up until Joe called me.

Finally, at about 8:20am, I forced myself out of bed, not wanting to be completely late to work. As I got up, I noticed my phone's indicator was showing a missed call.

What?!

I checked my phone. A missed call from "unavailable" at 7:38am.

How?! I was in bed, right next to my phone, waiting for a call. How could I possibly have missed it?

Stupid bad cell signal. Obviously my phone didn't even ring, because I surely would have heard it. The volume was all the way up to level 5.

I jumped on the computer to see if Joe was on Skype. No dice.

In a last ditch effort, I went to Myspace. Fortunately, he left me a comment there. His internet has been down for days.

So I've been seriously worried because of an internet outage?! Grrr... Doesn't the army understand what this does to families back home?

It was now almost 8:45am. I have to be at work no later than 9:30am.

Slow, tired shower. Back and neck hurt. Lightning fast getting dressed. Grab keys, fly out the door, hop in the car, walk in at 9:28am.

Immediately irritated. I didn't get any sleep. I've been really stressed out worrying about Joe, and now I can really feel it. I'm on a short fuse. Our consultant is out all week, which means the blind are leading the blind. I hate that. My coworker is strangely chipper, and it's pissing me off. He must have gotten his good news today about the job.

Oh right. The job.

Sigh.

In my worry about Joe, I had almost forgotten.

So I'm tired, irritable, frustrated about the job situation, and besides that, I just plain don't want to be here.

I think when a soldier is sent away for deployment, the government should compensate the family somehow. They should pay me to stay home, at least part time, so I can suffer in silence and not be a burden on the people around me. Maybe then I could catch up on my house work.

How in the hell do women with children do this, while their husbands are overseas?

I'm angry at everyone and everything today.