It hurts me

Is it age? Or just the normal aches and pains of my already broken body?

I went skiing on Saturday. The snow was especially wet, chunky and sticky, and I became tired very quickly from constantly trying to muscle my way through it.

I was riding along, not very fast, in an area that was almost completely flat, when I caught a chunk, tripped, fell, lost both skies, and tumbled end over end with poles flailing.

Yard sale!

My left upper arm landed on a pole, which hurt pretty bad, but I didn't think much of it at the time because the rest of the fall didn't hurt. Slushy snow makes for a nice soft landing. (Unlike the hard packed ice that gave me a concussion last year!)

However, even a little fall into soft snow can be very jarring to the body. Add to that the sloppy snow conditions, the complete failure of my goggles (and the subsequent hike back to the car to get my other pair), a super early rising time (4:30 a.m.), 2 hours on the road to get to the mountain, and the fact that I didn't eat or drink enough that morning... by the end of the day, I was completely and thoroughly exhausted. The sad thing is, the end of the day was only 12 noon for us. It was such a short trip.

The next day, my back hurt so bad, I had a stiff neck and a headache, and my left arm where I had fallen on the pole was sore, weak, and swollen.

But it was such a tiny fall!

It's been two days now, and my back still really hurts. My left arm is still ridiculously sore. I can't even push open a door with my left hand. I have no muscle strength whatsoever. Sometimes I just can't believe how an activity that seems relatively harmless can cause so much lingering pain.

I have problems with my back anyway (and body in general), so skiing is always a challenge for me. It hurts me every time I go, but I love doing it and I'm not willing to give it up just because my body hurts. My body is going to hurt whether I ski or not. I can either sit at home and do nothing because it hurts too much, or I can go out and live life despite the pain.

My problem is that I tend to forget that a few hours of strenuous physical activity can lead to days or weeks of recovery time. I always think, it's just a few hours, how bad can it be? Only afterwards, when it's too late, do I realize that I'm now stuck with pain and soreness for the next several days.

On some days, I come back from the mountain and I seriously wonder if it's still worth it. Getting up so early and driving 2 hours each way doesn't help. I wish there was a decent ski hill closer to home.

Mostly, I wish my body wasn't in such bad shape. I'm too young for these kinds of problems. I miss the days when I could do anything I wanted to physically, without worrying about how I would feel for the next week afterwards.

I don't know how much longer I can keep skiing. I do love it. I don't want to give it up. But it really takes a heavy toll. I get so tired of being in pain all the time.

But... I'll probably be back on the mountain next weekend, doing it all over again. Maybe I'll even be back here a week from today, writing about how much I hurt because I wasn't smart enough to recognize my own limitations.

I'll probably never learn.