I have realized (or perhaps reconfirmed) that I do not share my best friend's feelings of love beyond the scope of friendship. There is no romantic emotion, no chemistry, no magnetic draw of attraction.
I'm actually pretty frustrated about the situation. He was supposed to be my "safe" guy friend, the one I could hang out with and confide in, who would never have romantic or sexual intentions, who would never make me feel trapped by a relationship I don't want or isolated by feelings I don't share. Like an older brother, an honorable protector and confidant. Not a prowler who compels me to guard myself.
I shouldn't talk about him like that. He is no prowler, and he is very honorable. Nonetheless, I do feel the need to guard myself now, and that completely changes our friendship. I didn't want this.
Today he kept asking me if I was more irritable than usual. I really wasn't, but the more he asked me, the more irritable I became. I think perhaps he is feeling more vulnerable with me since he confessed his emotion, and I have possibly been more stern with him due to my own need for self-protection.
I don't want to be in a relationship with him, but over the last few months our friendship has become like one. It's burning me out. I don't want to have "talks" and work through arguments and make compromises. There's a reason why I have chosen to remain single. I'm not up for this bullshit right now. I know he understands that mentally, but I'm not sure if he accepts it emotionally.
I don't know how to talk to him about this. I know it was very difficult for him to share his feelings with me, and I really respect him for caring enough to be honest. At the same time, I don't think I can ever reciprocate his feelings.
Was he expecting me to? Or hoping I would eventually? Does he want to be in a more serious relationship with me? I really don't know. When he talked to me about it, he didn't say anything about what he wants for the future or where he hopes our friendship might go. He said he just wanted me to know the truth.
What I do know for sure is that I'm not interested in any of that with him. I really liked our platonic brother-sister relationship just the way it was before things started getting weird and awkward. But I suppose we can never go back to that.
So the question is, where do we go from here?
I don't want to hurt my best friend. But what if there's no way around it?
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5 comments:
Andrea the best thing is to be honest with him. It'll be hard but he may have just wanted to see if there was a chance,and if he finds you don't feel the same he can move on from it, hopefully still remaining your friend.
Guys are usually pretty straight forward, not triple analysing things the way women do.He may not have thought much further forward.
But you should tell him, or write it down and give it to him if you aren't sure if you can tell him.
He'd appreciate your honesty and
That's sad Andrea. Well, maybe it's sad to me. You're making me even more emotional then I already am.
*starts crying*
It's okay, it's okay, I'll be fine.
I told ya he liked you. He's crushed right now. He needs reassurance that the whole "I love you" thing isn't going to hurt your guys' friendship.
Aww, don't start crying just because of my dumbass situation! :-(
Yeah... I knew somewhere deep down that he had feelings for me. I guess it was okay with me until he started talking about it. Then I actually had to acknowledge it and think about it.
Ergo, I think you're right, I need to talk to him about all this and let him know the truth. He respected me enough to tell me the truth. I should give him the same respect.
I just got back from an impromptu midweek happy hour followed by a very, very cold closet-smoke (for those of us who aren't really "smokers" but still have one once in a while). I'm feeling pretty good right now! ^_^
Tough situation, isn't it?
I have a guy friend who hasn't given up in twelve years. I've been completely honest with him, but every few months he's back and trying again. The last time I talked to him, he admitted to me that he's been 'in love' with me for twelve years. O.o;;
It sounds like he's a really good friend. Have you told him how uncomfortable you are with all this? *hugz*
Sis, I always admire your wisdom.
No, I haven't told him I'm uncomfortable with this, but I probably should.
Why can't things just go back to normal? >_<
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