Oh wow.
My best friend just told me that he loves me.
The odd thing is, it wasn't a surprise. Somehow I already knew, although I never expected him to verbally acknowledge it. I was not prepared for this.
Is that weird? It wasn't a surprise, but I wasn't prepared for it? I'm not even making sense.
Do I feel the same way about him?
I'm not sure. Lately I've been having a lot of confused feelings about all kinds of things, and I don't know how to sort it all out into something I can grasp and understand.
Even though I can't make heads or tails of it, feeling confused should actually be considered progress. You see, I haven't felt much of anything for the last 2 or 3 years. Somewhere along the way after being emotionally beaten down a few too many times, I completely turned off and stopped feeling any warmth or connection at all. Even with the guy I shared a residence with for 2 years. Nothing.
In the last few months, my emotions have slowly been coming back to me, and I really haven't been dealing with it well. I've had all kinds of confused feelings about people and situations in my life recently. I don't know what any of it means. I don't know what to do with it. I don't know where to go from here. Is it possible to forget how to feel?
Maybe I did forget. Maybe I have to learn this all over again now.
I don't know what to do about my best friend. I do love him, but I'm not sure if I love him. I don't think we could be in a relationship together. Unless we could? I don't know. What about attraction? I don't really think of him in that way. Am I going to start thinking about it now that he voiced his feelings? Will things be different between us now? What if I already have feelings for someone else? A whole different set of confusion I haven't worked out yet.
Shit.
I'm so confused. Obviously I have a lot of thinking to do.
When it rains, it dumps big sopping buckets of water right over my head, and then smacks me with the empty bucket afterwards. It rings in my ear like a warped dissonant bell, so loudly that I can't hear my own thoughts.
I'm sorry, what were you saying...?
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8 comments:
Good morning Andrea. I hope you're doing well. As for this post, all I can say is....Wow O_o
Um, good luck?
Hi BC!
Yeah, "Wow" was all I could say last night too. I'll figure it out eventually, it's just going to take time.
I'm doing pretty well otherwise.
How are you? How is your week going?
Hi Andrea what a revelation you've had!
But just remember it's a sign of how comfortable he feels with you that he felt able to tell you without fear (though he was probably really nervous)
I hope you can sort out your feelings, it may be what you need right now, life has a funny way of sorting out where you least expect it!
be gentle with him either way :)
Hi there Andrea. Right now, I'm dealing with some pretty tough situations, so I'm hanging in there.
I hope you're well. As far as this best friend is concerned, just take some time and sort out your feelings. Sorry if my advice sucks :)
I have a feeling it's your little friend who you used to sit by in your old office. Hmmm. The one with the iphone, ya know? I know you know. Just nod
*encourages nodding to start*
I knew it. I told ya. No shocker to me.
*Nod*
Yes, Alie, you are correct. Sorry, I was on the phone with my mom earlier. More trouble at home.
Nothing is ever easy.
Hi andrea, it never rains but it pours
Hope you're managing ok
Hey!
First let me apologize for your comment on my blog! I didn't see it until just now *is ashamed*. So, though I'm late:
Thank you :) I unfortunately didn't get to go to PR. I've been kicking myself since, but there is next time! I did catch the guys while they toured the states with MUSE. And it was nothing short of awesome.
Anyway, thanks for stopping by, and I'll continue to blog until I run out of words to say. I hope all is well with you and yours.
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